I am not a weepy person by nature.
Oh sure, I cry when I have to and am not in the least embarrassed to.
But I’m not someone who weeps at the drop of hat.
A few weeks ago our friend and Cutie’s foster mama told us she was moving to another state. She and her dogs, “the cousins,” had become like family to us, so it was a loss.
But was it so much a loss that I’d be constantly tearing up about it?
I like her very much and her dogs have are part of our extended family.
But did it make sense to be so weepy? People move every day. People have come into and left my life over and over. It’s just part of life and I didn’t usually get so emotional. Constantly emotional. Like I’ve been.
And then, one day last week, while driving, it hit me. This week is the second anniversary of my beloved Riley’s death. My heart dog. My soulmate dog. The dog love of my life.
But that’s not all. On Dec. 21 it will be 20 years since my .mother died and on Dec. 27 it will be four years since my dear, dear friend made her own transition. Not just one death anniversary. Three. But wait. Some 40 years ago my grandfather died Thanksgiving week. So really, FOUR. (Scroll down for all their photos)
This most recent loss, while not by death, was just another blow in the holiday season.
Death anniversaries. They sneak up on you. And have a deeper impact than we might think, especially over the holidays.
Sure, you might THINK you should be “over it by now” but the truth is, some losses are always there. They hurt always and forever. You always feel the void. Like Riley’s. My mother. My friend.
That’s why this season is a particularly important time to be kind and gentle with those suffering loss or a death anniversary. You might not be able to tell, but chances are, they are feeling it.
That’s another reason I am constantly mentioning my supportive grief products: a beautiful remembrance candle made especially for them. The Guided Journal through Grief. Transforming grief affirmations. And both condolence gift options.
This is a time when these gentle and beautiful tools can be especially helpful. I hope you will take a look and consider who in your life might need a little thoughtful support.
Here’s my honor roll:
My beautiful boy, Riley. Missed so much.
Mom and me in the mid 1990s, California.
Marilyn & me 20 years ago.
My beloved Papa and me.
Yes it’s the little mundane things that can trip us up when it comes to grief.
I don’t think I’m so much tied into dates, as situations. One day I’ll start crying for my sister out of the blue. It won’t be near any special date but I might have picked up a book by an author that we both loved or thought of a special vacation spot we both enjoyed.
For my mother, it was very much the dates. During her lifetime, she lost a grandfather, father, husband, and oldest son all during December. I think her stubbornness to not ruin the holidays for us is what allowed her to live until January 3rd.
Yikes, that’s lots of loss all in one month. A good support system is invaluable at this time. Lots of virtual hugs going out to you!
I have experienced that same feeling – out of the blue tearful reminisces then I realise the date – often the death date of the person I was thinking of. Had that experience in April when my son had his operation – I was understandably worried but also unusually tearful – then I realised that last time I was in that hospital was on the same day 15 years earlier when I was a patient suffering from a traumatic miscarriage.
oh my gosh, no wonder!
Carol, Its true how things can be under the surface, but we’re not always aware. Maybe your friend’s leaving triggered a lot of sub-conscious sadness over these tough anniversaries. So sorry!
Yes, it did, I am certain