We get to choose.
I know, it doesn’t always seem that way. But while we can’t control events in our lives, we CAN control how we respond to them.
Those knee-jerk reactions–you know the ones–anxiety, worry, panic–don’t have to run the show. We can actually choose how we respond.
I must admit, this isn’t always easy. Sometimes, deep wounds are triggered before we can even get hold of a situation. When that happens to me, I feel it in my heart-space. My breath comes more quickly. My heart speeds up a bit. I feel that anxious feeling that I MUST DO SOMETHING. But often, there’s nothing I can do to change the situation.
How about those self-recriminations? “Why did I do that?” “I really stepped in it.” “I should have done something different.” Yeah, those, too. Sometimes, we are not very kind to ourselves.
So here’s what I try to remember. And I say “try” because I don’t always succeed. It’s important to be patient with ourselves. We are all imperfect and should not expect to be any different. Life is an exercise in trial and error. If one thing doesn’t work, another might. So patience with ourselves is a must.
We can almost always be kind to another, so why not try being kind to ourselves? And also forgiving ourselves for those mistakes that are simply a result of our oh-so-human nature.
Doing these things means being far more conscious about our reactions than we’re used to. Sometimes it might take a minute to get a grip. But taking a beat — or two, or five–and a deep breath –or two, or five–before reacting? It can be life-changing.
Also life-changing is the safe space our guided journals provide to express your deepest thoughts and feelings about a health challenge or a deep loss. A lovely gift, too, for those healing or grieving. Find them here.
I finding taking a deep breath fist really helps before I explode. I wish more did this. The lashing out is getting out of control. Thanks for writing this.
Lauren…I think you meant “first” but actually FIST fits! Cracked me up!
I’ve especially learned to bite my tongue with my husband, who I have the most clashes with. Forty years together will do that. It’s been good discipline, although hard at times.
It’s hard not to knee jerk! I’m shy and don’t speak my mind (usually) so I add to the torment by swallowing my feelings. I will try to remember the deep breath (or two or three). Something we all are taught but remembering to put it into practice is the hard part.
It’s not easy, is it? Taking that breath in–instead of spewing the words out. I know I struggle with it!
OMGosh, it is so hard!
Oh, learning how to create more space between stimulus and response. ACK! It’s challenging, but when I manage to do it, it’s empowering! Thank you for some guidance as to how and why to do so.
Yes, that breath. So hard!