It’s 7am and I’m sitting in. a hotel room in Rochester, NY, watching the sun glint off a shed outside my window and listening to seagulls. I’ll be here a couple of months, as I work to furnish the new second home we’re building.
I’ve left my family behind for this period, so that when they arrive, the new house will be at least minimally set up and the dogs will have less upset. We have decided to wait Covid out in New York state, since it is doing so much better than California.
It is a very strange experience, made even stranger by having to quarantine for two weeks. California is the current Covid hot spot and that record makes it necessary for me to isolate to ensure I do not carry the virus to someone.
This is the day my car is arriving, but I won’t be able to go anywhere for at least another week. It’s me and my hotel room. A very strange experience, indeed.
Being back in my hometown and isolated has elicited so much deep emotion it’s hard to keep anxiety at bay. I remind myself that nothing has intrinsic emotion, it’s all in my attachment to it and how I think about it. But there’s still some anxiety. The neutral observer within is hard to access. There is nothing neutral about my life today.
My days are filled with calls from people I love and for a moment, I can laugh and talk and fill time. And then? It’s back to WTF.
I pay attention to my breath: in/out, observing, noticing.
I am not good with uncertainty and there is so much uncertainty about my world, our world today. It feels like we are just marking time until…until what?
We don’t know. There is so much we don’t know.
I’ll open it up now to those who want to share what they are doing to cope or who just want to express what they feel in the Comments. Thank you for being here.