“What do you. mean, reconciliation is not helpful?” you’re probably asking yourself. “Isn’t coming together, even after a schism, the goal? Isn’t it healing?” Well, yes and no. And I’ve got a story about that.

It’s no secret that I’ve spent a good bit of time this past decade on personal and spiritual development, a quest that’s brought me great peace. Looking back over the decades, I was pretty sure my biggest life lesson has been forgiveness. It was easy to identify the many times in my life I’ve been called on to forgive and it was also easy to see the benefits of that forgiveness.

So when I had an interaction with someone who held incredible and long lasting animosity toward me, all the forgiveness in the world couldn’t counteract the chill or the words uttered with unmistakable intent to wound.

That experience led me a month later to consult with one of the most talented mediums I’ve met, and believe me, I’ve met quite a few of the big names. I told her I wanted to have a dialogue with my parents on the other side about a family issue and asked if she’d broker the conversation.

This is not really what a medium does. But because this medium and I knew each other, and she considered me “in the family,” she agreed, as long as I understood it might not exactly work out that way.  She was right: it didn’t work out that way. It worked out even better.

I told her nothing. No details.

She began the session by telling me that my spirit guides were present and that because my parents were too close to the situation, my guides wanted to speak with me instead. They then proceeded to describe the entire situation–in detail–who was involved, what it was about, what the motivations were, the entire thing. Stunned by the level of specific detail, I said nothing.

“Carol,” they said. “These are not your monkeys. Don’t own them. It’s not your circus. This has nothing at all to do with you and you bear no responsibility for it. It’s theirs and theirs alone. Do not own what’s not yours to own.”

“Ok,” I began, “I went against my better judgment when I approached them…”

The medium almost exploded, saying “It was NOT against your better judgment! This is who you are! You are all about reconciliation! But your guides are telling you to let go and to leave this in their hands. The other party is not ready to hear it. Think of it as mail on vacation hold. The other party is on vacation from spiritual development. If and when they ever return, your guides will see that your message gets delivered. That may not happen in this lifetime, so do not expect it, although it is always possible for people to learn and grow.”

“But the thing is, I’ve forgiven, shouldn’t I ask for forgiveness, too?”

“NO!” she was firm, unequivocal. “You have nothing to be forgiven for. Your instructions are clear: do not own what is not yours to own.”

Well. I’ll be damned. That 50 minute session with the medium Hollister Rand and my spirit guides did more for me than anything I’ve ever done. At that moment I was able to relinquish the situation and leave it in the more than capable hands of my spirit team, who always has my highest good in mind.

I realized that my very human way of trying to cope and to reconcile was always going to be ineffective because the situation had nothing at all to do with me.

Now, let me be clear. That is not always the case.There are plenty of times when it’s necessary for me to own my actions. This, however, is not one of them.

There’s another important factor at play here. One way I know that a medium is real is when they bring messages that are not what we’d expect. For example, if you were consulting the medium about a schism, you’d think a medium would say “oh yes, make it right, it’s important to forgive and reconcile.”

But that isn’t at all how this one went. It was completely counter-intuitive and very much on target for this particular situation.

I think of my releasing ownership of the situation as an act of love–toward myself. Which is what my guides intended, of course.

A couple years ago, just after the session, I blogged about it in less detail. You can find it here.

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