I’ve been unpacking some pretty heavy-duty life matters as part of a big writing project.
As I do, I realize how amazing it is that I’m still standing — and functional. I won’t say “normal” –what IS normal, anyway?
Some people come into life with the gift of resilience and I am one of those. Along with that resilience, though, came the need to compartmentalize some feelings. To be able to shelve them and not feel them. I know: functional, but not so healthy, right? Well, yeah. But I wouldn’t have survived, otherwise.
When MC Hammer appeared in my first regression, singing “U Can’t Touch This” I understood the message immediately.
“Look in my eyes, man
You can’t touch this.”
Sometimes, there is no safe place. We can run from unpleasant feelings to keep them from touching us, but even if we do, we can’t escape them. They’ll always find us, eventually. I should know: I’ve done my best to avoid them.
Truth is, those hard emotions DID impact the rest of my life. And still do.
My need to numb myself to some emotions means I developed some… “quirks?” (sounds better than deficiencies) when it comes to feelings. I can be quite self-protective even now, although less than when I as younger.
I won’t lie–sometimes that DOES serve me. Sometimes, though? It doesn’t serve me.at all.
Still, I’m aware of it as something to work on. I’m willing to be more vulnerable,although that hasn’t always worked out ideally. But it wasn’t fatal, so that’s something, right?
I’m not sure there’s a way to be both resilient and unguarded. Oh, I’m sure psychologists would say there is, but maybe not for me.
Just thinking. (As usual.)
I offer hypnotherapy and regression that can often provide a different view on life events. If you want to discuss whether it might benefit you, get in touch.