You can’t change them.

That is a fundamental truth. A life law, even. Maybe a spiritual law. Oh, it looks like maybe you could, just like you maybe could climb those mountains at Yosemite. But for most of us? Not really.

When people frustrate us or piss us off, it’s helpful to understand them, not try to change them. That’s what writer-philosopher Mike Dooley says.

Well, he’s right about not changing someone. You can’t, anyway. You can’t change anyone.

Understanding sounds like it’s a good goal but for me, understanding is not always helpful. Someone far smarter than I am once referred to understanding as “the booby prize” and I have to agree. It’s almost as frustrating as NOT understanding them. I’ll bet some of you know what I mean.

No. Here’s what I think. For as long as you keep them in your life, ACCEPT them. Yep. Just as they are. That is sooo liberating!

But you really don’t need to keep them in your life at all, if it’s too much. There is no obligation at all for them to remain in your life. No drama needed, either. Just move on, and send them your best wishes. Yes, silently and to yourself. Like I said, no drama necessary.

So for as long as you have super-triggering people in your life, accept them.

And if you can’t? If you’re tempted to try to change them? Over and over? You might want to make the time they spend in your life short.

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