Some people think it’s not possible to truly grieve something you never had. I don’t agree.
Grief over what you never had is as powerful an emotion as any other loss. Because all loss is the same. All grief is the same. And that’s where we’ll begin.
If you have a miscarriage or stillbirth, is your grief the same as a parent who has lost a child they got to know alive?
YES. Your grief is the same. All loss is … loss. There’s a void, even if it has never been filled.
If you lose a beloved pet is your grief like that of losing a parent?
YES. Grief is grief. It is the same.
There is no comparing grief. It’s painful, it’s hard, it can be long-lasting and it is all the same: GRIEF.
What if you are grieving a father you never had, a sister who never warmed to you?
It’s all grief. It’s all loss.
Comparisons are fruitless.
Grief is grief.
The remedy for any kind of grief, if there is one, is to sit with it. As difficult a companion as it can be, we must sit with it. Feel it. Let it take its course. No matter how long it takes.
If necessary, get help. But help or not, there’s only one thing to do with grief. Sit with it.
If you’d like to help sitting with your grief or want to someone you love sit with theirs, please check out our products that help with that.
My oldest daughter Carrie tried IVF and because of the age of her eggs, nothing took. They could not afford another try. My younger daughter has three children. She offered to help her sister do another round. But it has never happened. I think Carrie cannot put herself through that again. It’s grief. She has a wonderful career, has just been awarded a status within that career, and I think has made a decision. I admire that.
I know women who had something similar happen and absolutely grieved. I understand. I wanted a child, at least one, but it never worked out. I grieved that loss, too.