Nobody likes to look at their wounds, not even me. And yet, there they are, influencing us in ways we sometimes can’t even recognize. We all have them. We can’t escape life without being wounded in one way or another.
Like so many of us, I have some from childhood and also some from relationship. Ah, relationship.
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya.- Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah
That was me. I carried the deep wound from my first divorce for a very long time. It influenced every relationship that came after and one of the ways was that I never allowed anyone to leave me. I always left first.
The joke, though, was on me, because the very perpetrator of that wound came back some 26 years later, just when I was planning a remarriage. Leaving had been a mistake, he told me. And now he had an opportunity to change things, he said. The timing wasn’t optimum for either of us, he admitted, but if he didn’t approach me now he’d always regret it.
Life can be hilarious in its apparent randomness, but of course, it’s not random at all.
But what was I to do? I could do what I always did, which was to protect myself, make irrational decisions or to do something that would make my life difficult.
Or I could do something different. I could look at the situation with clear eyes. I could weigh the pros and cons. And only then would I consult my heart.
I won’t lie. It may have seemed like a no-brainer to my well-meaning friends, but it was a hard decision. “Two paths diverged in a yellow wood…” wrote Robert Frost. Yes. Yes, diverge they did.
That was 10 years ago. This story has a happy ending: I’m living a life I only dreamed of, in every single way.
Women friends looking for a relationship tell me things that reveal exactly why they haven’t found one and what they can do differently to change the outcome. It’s obvious to me. But not to them. Just like my own ineffective paradigm was obvious to my friends, but not to me. But I get how it works. And it does work. And can for you.
The only reason I’m describing my own situation so openly is that I want you to see another reason to go on retreat with me. I’ve been there and I have a template that works, even for relationships. So if you’ve got big relationship decisions to make, consider it a relationship retreat
Let’s talk about how it might help your situation in a clarity call.