“I don’t think she realizes how rigid she comes across,” a colleague said to me not too long ago.
I agreed. So few of us really see ourselves the way we really are and the more tightly wound we are, the less we realize it.
For so many, the outcome we want can become the outcome we try to dictate. Demand. Insist on. Our rigidity — our attachment to outcome — begins to define us.
Now, look. I get that there are things we desperately want. We want pain to go away. A positive outcome to treatment. The wellbeing of our loved ones. A healthy relationship. But we also can want our way on less important things.
As it turns out, though, the tighter we hold on to something the harder it is to grasp.
If you’ve heard “Let go and let God” then you know it’s about detaching ourselves from outcome. About trusting that our highest and best good is always being served, no matter what happens. If we’re super-desperate for an outcome it’s often harder to come by.
When I write things like this I always think about my friends who have chronic illness. Life ain’t easy for so many of us. The hard truth is that we are not promised a smooth ride. For some of us, the ride is harder than it is for others. There’s always a reason, although we may not see it at first. We may not want to see it. But a looser hold–letting go and letting God–really does serve us.
And then there’s the way we are with others. Who bothers to hold the mirror up? Not many. But….A little self-reflection can be a good thing.
I remember someone mentioning in an offhand way that I wasn’t a mellow person.
WHAT??? I was shocked. I was in my 20s and clueless. I thought I was VERY easy-going. The fact that I wasn’t? That was news to me!
But it was also a lesson.
I was someone who held tightly to outcomes. As I matured, I found that if I loosened my grip, I got further. But it took trust and that wasn’t my long suit.
Trust is something that most of us have to learn and some of us, burned once, are twice shy. And three or four times. But sometimes we must take a chance and let go.
Want to discuss this? Or talk about ways to manage pain and symptoms? Contact me at Carol (at) ahealingspirit (dot) org.
Paula Kiger says
June 13, 2018 at 7:22 am“the tighter we hold on to something the harder it is to grasp” – truth
Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com says
June 13, 2018 at 7:32 amHi Carol! Letting go and trusting doesn’t always come easily to me but I am SO MUCH better than I used to be. It also helped me to realize that I have a personality trait that can get “rigid” if I’m not careful. I took Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies test and it turns out that I am what she calls and Upholder…One of the benefits of being an Upholder is that we find it easy to discipline ourselves and to create good and healthy habits for our lives. The bad news is, if we aren’t careful we can get very RIDGID in our habits and can’t/don’t want to be told to be more flexible. Just knowing that about myself has helped me quite a bit–especially when others tell me to relax or be flexible. And yes, I wrote a blog post on my blog about the 4 Tendencies for anyone who is interested. But it is just another way to do what you are suggesting. Realizing that we are not the Supreme Controllers of the Universe is SO very important! ~Kathy
Haralee says
June 13, 2018 at 8:53 amSeems like such a simple lesson but of course it is not! Well said Carol!!
Daisy says
June 14, 2018 at 7:26 amI absolutely have the let it go mentality… I don’t hold onto things inside I just deal accept and move along…. this works well for me but I have recently been chastised that it’s wrong for me to feel like that and I should be dissecting all “ wrong stuff” done to me…
Elizabeth O says
June 14, 2018 at 7:57 amThis was a very thought provoking post indeed. It can often be really confusing to find out people see us differently than we see ourselves.
Holly Lasha says
June 14, 2018 at 8:45 amYou have such a great perspective. Love this. Thank you for the encouraging words….it really made me think.
Holly Lasha recently posted…Boho Chic Party: Aubrey’s Girly Tribal Birthday
Nina says
June 14, 2018 at 11:04 amForgiveness needs to be practised more. It is better to let go and create a happy environment for us.
Nicole says
June 14, 2018 at 12:57 pmTrust and letting go is not always easy, that’s for sure! I know loosening my grip and trying to trust is a hard thing for me as well, but as time and experience comes it gets easier. Thanks for sharing!
Gladys Parker says
June 14, 2018 at 3:38 pmFaith is such a hard concept for me. My anxiety would lesson so much but I just have this control issue that if I’m not dealing with something the worst will happen. I have to keep working on it.
jefferson says
June 14, 2018 at 8:57 pmThat’s life, sometimes other people thoughs are kind of ‘news’ because they got differen prespective about us, right.. 🙂
Emily Leary says
June 15, 2018 at 1:41 amFood for thought! I have learned to focus on the present and although past experiences inevitably come back into my thoughts I have learned to bring a lot more positivity and calmness into my life and I find that it’s a great way to inspire others to do the same.
Elle (CleverlyChanging) says
June 15, 2018 at 5:30 amYour post shared a lot of wisdom. The words that struck me the most and stood out to me were, “I was someone who held tightly to outcomes. As I matured, I found that if I loosened my grip, I got further.” That is a statement I can really relate too, the older I get I find that other’s opinions don’t matter as much and I can walk in faith more.
Preet says
June 16, 2018 at 8:57 amSuch a thought-provoking post, and I really like your perspective. Sometimes things look so different to others what might be too simple for us.
Amanda says
June 17, 2018 at 8:05 pmI am learning this lesson myself. It is not an easy lesson to learn, but it’s getting easier!
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski says
June 18, 2018 at 10:13 amI think anytime we try too hard, it makes things more challenging. It puts more stress on it. Sometimes you just have to take a breathe and see where it takes you.
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski recently posted…Boomer Life Topics From Grief to Retirement on Best of Boomer Blogs #551
Jennifer says
June 20, 2018 at 9:38 amWhen I find myself holding on too tightly, I try to remind myself to breathe. It’s the only way I can loosen my grip.
Jennifer recently posted…Read This If You Need Inspiration