“I don’t think she realizes how rigid she comes across,” a colleague said to me not too long ago.
I agreed. So few of us really see ourselves the way we really are and the more tightly wound we are, the less we realize it.
For so many, the outcome we want can become the outcome we try to dictate. Demand. Insist on. Our rigidity — our attachment to outcome — begins to define us.
Now, look. I get that there are things we desperately want. We want pain to go away. A positive outcome to treatment. The wellbeing of our loved ones. A healthy relationship. But we also can want our way on less important things.
As it turns out, though, the tighter we hold on to something the harder it is to grasp.
If you’ve heard “Let go and let God” then you know it’s about detaching ourselves from outcome. About trusting that our highest and best good is always being served, no matter what happens. If we’re super-desperate for an outcome it’s often harder to come by.
When I write things like this I always think about my friends who have chronic illness. Life ain’t easy for so many of us. The hard truth is that we are not promised a smooth ride. For some of us, the ride is harder than it is for others. There’s always a reason, although we may not see it at first. We may not want to see it. But a looser hold–letting go and letting God–really does serve us.
And then there’s the way we are with others. Who bothers to hold the mirror up? Not many. But….A little self-reflection can be a good thing.
I remember someone mentioning in an offhand way that I wasn’t a mellow person.
WHAT??? I was shocked. I was in my 20s and clueless. I thought I was VERY easy-going. The fact that I wasn’t? That was news to me!
But it was also a lesson.
I was someone who held tightly to outcomes. As I matured, I found that if I loosened my grip, I got further. But it took trust and that wasn’t my long suit.
Trust is something that most of us have to learn and some of us, burned once, are twice shy. And three or four times. But sometimes we must take a chance and let go.
Want to discuss this? Or talk about ways to manage pain and symptoms? Contact me at Carol (at) ahealingspirit (dot) org.