Many people I know are in constant motion and most of that motion is spent doing for others.
The reasons for that are complex. Some have kind hearts. Bottom line. They act completely out of kindness.
Others do it out of a deep sense of insecurity, to prove their worth and ensure others think well of them.
And still others feel a sense of obligation. Or even guilt.
Self care is not a priority.
The piper must be paid
One day, though, they may find themselves failing. A mental or physical health crisis occurs. Or a job crisis. Sometimes it’s exacerbated by the fact that they’ve run themselves ragged for others — and failed to honor themselves.
Sometimes, we think there’s something selfish in honoring ourselves and putting ourselves first. If we honor our own value.
But it’s not true.
Only by putting ourselves first can we even begin to be there for someone else.
We might even be comfortable with the concept:to honor our own value. It’s a hard lesson, learning to fill our own cup first.
Airplanes as a metaphor for life
There’s a reason flight attendants direct us to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.
Whether it’s on an airplane or in other parts of life, we can’t be there for someone else if we aren’t there first for ourselves. There’s nothing selfish about that.
If you do nothing else this week, take time to honor your own value.
Read a book. Take a solo walk in nature. Or a nap. Meditate.
Watch the sun set … or rise. Play with your pets. Listen to music. Play some music.
Savor a cup of tea or coffee. Stroll in a garden. Relax on a beach.
Do it for yourself. To honor your own value.
Those other needs? They’ll still be there when you’re done. And you’ll come to them more refreshed than you have ever been.
Trust me on that.
Years ago, a good friend lost her son to a dread disease. It was terribly sad, but not unexpected. He had been her focus for years. Now that he was gone, she was completely drained. The advice given to her? “Fill your own pitcher.” She’d been filling others for so long she had nothing left.
She took the advice and survived. Even thrived.
It is so important!
Thank you for this, Carol!
A great reminder and sound advice.
I love this! The more we put ourselves last to be there for others, the further away we take ourselves from them. We’re not there for those we love when we’ve burned ourselves out to the core.
I wholeheartedly agree but reading Diane’s comment reminded me of when my mom died. I had no idea what to do with myself after I didn’t have to spread my time between her and my family. I can’t help but wonder if I would have adjusted better if I had taken a little bit of throughout the time she was sick.
What a great metaphor. I never thought of it that way, but you are absolutely right!
This is exactly what I have been telling people for decades in my life coaching business so you totally nailed it! We MUST all learn to self focus. I am all for doing for others but we must start to relearn how to make ourselves our #1 priority! If everyone did that fewer people would need our help in the first place. There is a huge difference between being selfish and prioritizing self. Putting oneself first is not selfish.
I couldn’t agree more! Self-care is incredibly important. It helps us become a better version of ourselves by helping us find balance, re-ignite a zest for life, de-stress, and gives us a sense of empowerment.
Self care is so important. Yet, looking at some of the comments here, I can see how people lose sight of themselves when taking care of others. You don’t even realize you are putting yourself last
You did a wonderful job with this, and I completely agree. I think focusing on yourself is so important. I know I need to learn to do this more myself.
Self care is so important. As odd as it may sound at times we really do have to care for ourselves before we can care for others.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Even just a few minutes per day can make a big difference.
I think especially as women we’re taught to always take care of everyone else. But we’re never taught to include ourselves in that.
What a great reminder for me. As my mother’s caretaker, I spend a lot of time putting her needs first and forgetting to refill my own cup. I think I need a massage!
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