Every day a surgeon makes decisions that can go one of two ways:
either very good or very, very, very bad.
The problem is that the epically great decisions
and the epically bad ones look exactly the same when you’re making them.
This wisdom about making decisions brought to you by the character Meredith Grey on the TV show, Grey’s Anatomy, one of my favorites.
The secret to the success of Grey’s Anatomy is that Shonda Rhimes knows that medicine is not just a matter of life and death , it’s a metaphor for life. Her writers show us that every episode. Ok, yes, at times it can be over the top. But then, there are stunning lines of dialogue like the one above.
My life has proven that the best and worst decisions look identical when we’re making them.
Back in my early 30s I accepted a marriage proposal after dating someone less than a year. My rationale was that I loved him and so did it matter whether I married him now or in a year?
It mattered. But my decision and its rationale made perfect sense, to me.
It just didn’t to those who loved me. Boy, didn’t it.
And that’s the thing. Our decisions almost always look good to us or we wouldn’t make them.
But reality-test them with a few loved ones and you just might get a different answer.
I married him. And divorced him. And then I saw the value of reality-testing with trusted friends.
Once I learned to do that I was forced to hear points of views that differed from mine.
I didn’t always listen, though.
And as a result, I made some epically bad decisions.
It’s hard to have regrets because my life ended up okay. But who knows where I might have gone had those bad decisions not been so epically bad?
Yes, decisions are hard. It’s helpful to remember that we don’t look at them clearly and that getting other points of view can be helpful.
And sometimes, we really should actually listen to them.
I love talking to clients about their decisions and helping them sort through. I’ll do that for you for only $29. That price is good from now until May 31. Enter code fwd (case sensitive) to purchase, then email me at carol (at) ahealingspirit.org to make a phone appointment.
A version of this post originally ran in April 2014 on CarolCassara.com
Gladys Parker says
May 24, 2018 at 9:30 amI like the advice of the ones that agree with me. haha I have made some, many very bad decisions and choices. I’ll never know for sure which were completely me and which were brought on my mental illness. It’s like looking at our grown children and telling them this is the right decision. They want the chance to decide and a lot of friends are yes people saying whatever they think they want to hear.
Amy says
May 24, 2018 at 3:58 pmI know too many people who ask for my advice then never even put it into action. I have two stubborn family members who make such bad decisions.
Lisa Favre says
May 24, 2018 at 6:12 pmSometimes, I look back on bad decisions and a lot the time, they happened because I didn’t trust my instinct. Sometimes, it’s best to seek guidance from someone who’s not directly in a situation to get the best advice.
Lisa Favre recently posted…10 Gifts Dad will Want for Father’s Day
Explore The 6 says
May 24, 2018 at 6:31 pmDecisions can be hard, but we have to trust we make the right one at the time we are making the decision 🙂
Maureen says
May 24, 2018 at 6:44 pmI think that sometimes we must make those sort of mistakes, where we don’t listen to anyone, in order to 1) learn a deeper lesson and 2) trust our friends advice ab it more perhaps 🙂 Great story and important lessons here.
KIm says
May 24, 2018 at 6:50 pmYou definitely have a way of telling a story. Decisions are made everyday and yes hard ones too. Thanks for your insight
Kristi says
May 24, 2018 at 11:02 pmAh…. those things to look back on and wonder what in the world we were thinking. Makes for a good story though.
Toni | Boulder Locavore says
May 25, 2018 at 12:11 amI totall y agree! Sometimes we really need to listen what others might say about a decision we are about to make. It’s great to hear advice and opinions from people who really care about us.
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Brianne says
May 25, 2018 at 4:10 amMaking a decision can be hard sometimes, but this is something I try to teach my children all the time. This is great insight information!
Czjai Reyes-Ocampo says
May 25, 2018 at 4:12 amDecision making can really be a challenge, especially if the choices can either make you or break you. Thankfully, I have friends and siblings whom I can ask for advice during times like these.
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Cristina says
May 25, 2018 at 6:25 amExactly what I have been thinking about Greys Anatomy! The way Shonda Rhymes uses the series to convey deep meanings and the importance of making decisions! I love the series and this post is great!
Holly Lasha says
May 25, 2018 at 8:34 amExcellent viewpoint. I love where you are coming from with this. Thanks for the encouraging words!!
Holly Lasha recently posted…Summer Party Ideas: How to throw an Ice Cream Party
Shannon Sawicki says
May 25, 2018 at 8:47 amPeople can take advice but ultimately they have to learn on their own. Even if that means making a bad decision. We can only hope they learn from that and stop continuing to make them.
Shannon Gurnee says
May 25, 2018 at 9:35 amThat is definitely the truth. I wish I would have been more willing to listen to my family before my first marriage. I’m just thankful my 3 boys were a part of that decision.
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Luci says
May 25, 2018 at 11:23 amI never thought there’s someone who you can ask for advise professionally. I’ll have to check it out.
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Mi Fernandes says
May 25, 2018 at 4:02 pmThat’s a great way to put it. I think decisions are way too personal, people can give advices but you are always the one to make it. Its always lessons, be it good or bad decisions.
Betty says
May 25, 2018 at 5:25 pmIs not easy to make a good decision. Sometime I do make a bad decision and I learn from the lesson. Listen to more positive opinion and it help you to decide it.
Elizabeth O says
May 26, 2018 at 7:01 amI like the idea of having a guide, someone to talk to about these decisions before making them. Goodness knows we all make some really bad decisions in life . Lol
Rachel says
May 27, 2018 at 6:24 amA thought provoking read! We all make decisions dont we, but sometimes they seem right at the tome, mine are often relating to men lol
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski says
May 27, 2018 at 4:06 pmIt’s so easy to get hypnotized (in a bad way) and not see the forest through the trees until you snap out of it.
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Tom Sightings says
May 27, 2018 at 4:51 pmInteresting post . All I know if that if you always follow your mother’s advice, you’ll never go too far wrong!
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Kiwi says
May 29, 2018 at 2:20 pmThey really should teach us at a younger age how to make better decision. this is why we are still stumbling around as adults sometimes.
Kiwi recently posted…WHERE TO EAT IN ATLANTA: GENUINE PIZZA + FAMILY NIGHT & FREE CHEESE PIZZA WEDNESDAYS!
christina says
June 13, 2018 at 2:33 pmIt is so true, hindsight is 20/20!! I really believe perspective is everything, but you are so right we often don’t see the right answer until after we’ve made the epically wrong decision!
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