Like many women my age, I’ve had a lot of time to think about grief and do my own grieving. It’s occurred to me that the losses we grieve have to do less with the person, per se, but with the gifts a loved one or beloved pet gave us.
It’s the impact that person had in our lives and then the void that remains when they leave us.
Self-serving? Or realistic?
Does that sound self-serving? It might sound that way, but I believe that’s how it works. People are significant to us in terms of what they bring to us. And of course, we are significant to them in the same way: in terms of what we bring to them. Sometimes we might not bring the same things, but equilibrium is always achieved in a true relationship. There are gifts on both sides.
I miss my friend, Marilyn, most when something troubles me and I need a loving ear and an incisive comment,. Or unconditional support. Someone who is really, truly glad for me. Yes, she was a beautiful person but the hole in my heart she left behind has more to do with her place in my life.
Simple & pure relationship
There’s no question in my mind that the loss of a beloved pet brings up such deep grief because it is the one absolutely unconditional relationship we can have. A pet loves us without condition. Period. Humans? We can get bogged down in other stuff. But pets? It’s a simple and pure relationship.
I can’t remember who observed that at the beginning it was just Riley and me–we were one another’s significant others in the truest sense and of course, we remained that for his entire life. He was pure love to me. I miss it deeply. I also miss giving him love–when we met our two new furbabies I had a new target for all the love I still have to give and, surprise! My grief began to ameliorate once I could give love to other creatures.
Symbiosis
We exist symbiotically, in mutually beneficial relationships.
When I miss my mother it’s not because she was Mother of the Year. Like most moms, she did her best. In some things she was miles ahead of the ideal mom and in others, well, she lagged. And that’s being nice. Nonetheless, she gave me amazing support for just about everything I did (Ok, she was against my disastrous rebound marriage, but she was right on that one). And she gifted me with her amazing and generous soul. When I miss my mother it’s mostly because I miss having that unconditional support. Someone who thought just about everything I did was wonderful and that I was the most talented kid on earth.
We can find that in others who are not our parents. My supportive friend Marilyn (who inspired this work) did fill that void, even though she was only about a decade older. When she left us, I felt her loss keenly–the loss of that give and take we had, each of us contributing to the other’s life in important (but not the same) ways.
The Guided Journal through Grief uses prompts and activities to help guide us through the complicated feelings of loss and grief. You can write, collage, draw, paint or otherwise express yourself in response to the questions it asks. It offers ideas for rituals to honor your loved one.
And finally, when completed it can become a moving memento of your relationship and one that you could even pass on to grandkids or other loved ones who didn’t have a chance to know the person who died.
That’s why it makes a lovely gift, either alone or as part of our large condolence gift. Shipping on condolence gifts is always free in the U.S. and discounted to other countries.
I hope you’ll consider it.
When it comes to grief, we all grieve differently but the bottom line is we grieve in one way or another. The guided journal would be a great gift to someone grieving especially when you can not find the right words to sympathise with them
I like that this journal allows one to grieve in a way that not too many thing about and it is not harmful to you. Writing and scribbling etc is something we all can use. I have grieved many times and each time I think back on it now and can say that this would have helped me.
For me nothing could heal you better than keeping a journal. Writing your emotions and hurts is therapeutic One day you’d be glad reading how lost you felt and thank God that you experience those.
Grief is something we don’t want to go through . It is difficult for us to extend our condolences for someone going through the grieving process, so I think a gift like this is a good idea.
Today is my dad’s 26th death anniversary. 26 long years and it still hurts. Memories of happy times with him are what keeps me going. When I feel I miss him so much, I write. I write a letter to him. I know he gets to read it because it makes me feel better after a few days.
I get very close to my pets. They are definitely a constant in our life that we have a hard time letting go of when they pass.
I agree, it’s the absence in our lives or the role that they played in it that also takes part in our grief. It’s really good to have journal, not just to help us move on but also to help us remember.
Grieving is a tough thing. I lost my mom over 10 years ago and it still bothers me, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. It’s good to have ways to process our feelings.
I lost an aunt on Sunday. She had an aneurysm and passed away suddenly. Because it was so sudden, everyone is having a really hard time dealing with it. I need to gift several of these to my loved ones.
Grief is so difficult and it’s also so personalized. We all do it differently. I lost a loved one last year and I try to focus on all the good memories.
My grandmother has been gone for at least 20 years and I will still think I need to call grandma and ask her. It usually has to do with flowers or plants because she was always growing something.
I’ve never thought about grieving that way Carol and that is isn’t so much the person (although we miss them terribly) but all the things they brought to our life. I haven’t had my Mum for over 30 years and I still miss her comfort and support. I agree about pets. We don’t have them but I have a friend who doesn’t have children and her cats were everything to her. One of them died from cancer and it was just like losing a human friend or child. You have expressed grief so eloquently and I know your Grief packs are very helpful. Thank you for sharing this with us at #MLSTL and have a great week. xx
I lost my dad 5 years ago and there are still days when it is just as raw and hard as it was the day it happened. I don’t think real grief ever really goes away.
Some of my losses have been really hard to overcome. It is still hard to not think about and grieve over what happened to me.
I haven’t really grieved in my life except for when I lost my mom at 16. Back then I was grieving for the fact my mom, best friend and mentor is gone but now I’m at a different part of grieving and I find writing things down helps a ton. I’d love a journal like this.
I have a friend who’s grieving the sudden loss of her mother. She’s joined grief groups and read books. I don’t know if she ever considered a journal. Thank you!!
I was listening to Timothy Shriver being interviewed by Oprah this morning and he said that after “Uncle Jack” was assassinated, they weren’t really allowed to grieve. They did nothing on the day of his death, weren’t supposed to mention it even, yet it was a day those of us who were alive in the US will likely not forget. Grieving is so important, and your writing about it is so thoughtful.
I think this would be a perfect gift for those going through the grieving process. I am a journaler. I write better than I speak, so this would have been perfect for me when I lost my daughter. Thank you for sharing
Grieving is a long process but it is necessary. My dad and brother passed 15 years ago and my heart still feel the pain.
Grieving can be such a hard process to understand, especially from person to person since we all grieve differently. I love seeing post like this, bringing so much light to a sore subject. Thank you for sharin
I believe that everyone grieves at their own time and no one grieves the same.
I believe that everyone grieves as their own time and no one grieves the same.
Grief is different for everyone. Some can simply go one, while others it can take years.
I think it is important to write feelings down so a journal would come in handy. Going on walks helps me out too.
I lost my mom two years ago and I miss her so much. I also feel the loss of that era and I try to hold on to all the good memories.
It’s been over a year since I lost my mom and it’s still as painful as it was the day after she passed. Everyone has to grieve in their own time and way.