Don’t wait until they walk out of the frame.
Many years ago the 19-year-old daughter of a man I later married died in a car accident. While his grief was immense and he wasn’t afraid to show it, he also told me that he was grateful that he was “current” with his daughter.
Being current. What does that mean?
By that he meant that he’d left nothing unsaid or undone. Nothing. There were no issues that he hadn’t addressed. Sure, there were things he would’ve liked to have shared with her, things no longer possible. But that’s death for you: a premature ending. And while her life was cut short he had no regrets, because as her father he had done all the things and said all the things that made her feel valued and loved. There was nothing more he could have done in that respect.
I learned a valuable lesson from him. Starting that day, I began to tell the people I loved that I loved them. Especially my mother. We had never been a family that said those words out loud but I began to end every phone call with her by saying I love you. I addressed issues that had lingered far too many years. We talked about them. Cleared the air.
And while she died at 74, her life, too, was far too short. But I was current with her. No regrets.
This life is finite and we never know when it will end. Let all intentions and actions represent your awareness that being current with those you love is important. Leave nothing unsaid.
1. Do what you’ve always wanted to do with them. Take that cruise. Go to the beach. Eat at a fabulous restaurant.Don’t put it off. Fate is a bitch and don’t I know it.
2. Don’t put off seeing them if you’re distant. Visit for the holidays. Spend quality time with them. Don’t wait. Do it now. Make it a priority.
3. Reconcile differences and forgive. If you think this is hard, you’re right, it can be. But it pays off, big-time. Find a way to forgive.
4. Say everything including frequently saying I love you. This is the toughest thing to have regrets about. Things we should have said.
5. Support them wholeheartedly in what they do. Make them feel valued and loved. The easiest thing we can do. We rise by lifting others and making them feel lifted.
Be current now. Don’t wait ’til they’re on the threshold of death or even out of the picture entirely.
Do you have a “be current” story to share in the Comments below?
Love this Carol. Such an important reminder
This reminds me of a friend of mine that worked years beyond her husband’s retirement. She did not have to work. She enjoyed her job. She and her husband made many plans for when she would retire. Alas, her husband passed before that happened. She lives with guilt and not living in her present. Life is so short. Embrace today.
I hug, kiss, and say I love you to everyone who comes into or out of my door. Maybe it’s more fear driven because if something did happen, I want to make sure that the last words someone heard from me were words of love.
I think about this concept often and am constantly working to be as current as possible with my family and friends. Everyone needs to read this!
I had a chance to do this with my parents and my sister and continue to work on this with my loved ones who are still with me. It is easier for me to say “I love you” than it is to address issues that may be lingering. Great advice to live and love well.
I need to do this with some people in my life..I definitely do. Sometimes it seems easier to just keep going as things are but you are correct, time and fate are always lurking.
Wow, this is so important. I’m so sorry about that 19 year old girl. There are no words, but thank God, that dad felt he had done his best. It makes me look at all my relationships through a different lens. Very powerful.
I love your posts, Carol. Very insightful and timely.