We’re not comfortable with death or for that matter, with grief. We live in a a society that considers death and talk about death a taboo. One that often thinks grieving loved ones should “be over it by now.” Oh, those grief myths.
But death is a universal and so is grief. They’ll both happen to us at some point, even if we’ve been untouched by them so far. So let’s demystify some grief myths.
- Talking about the deceased person makes the surviving loved ones uncomfortable. That’s just not true. Sharing memories of the person who has died can be a great comfort to the family. And if they share a story or two or three in return, well, there’s nothing better for grief than talking about those memories out loud. And having someone listen with a loving heart.
- A year is enough time to mourn. In fact, there is no set time for grief. It takes as long as it takes and that is a very individual thing. In some cases a loved one’s long illness provides them time to grieve their loss even before it has “officially” happened. Anticipatory grief is very real. I know this, myself, because I’ve experienced it. In other cases family and friends only begin the process after their loved one’s death. The grieving process is different for everyone.
- If someone who grieves expresses sadness, grief or loneliness, it’s best to distract them by changing the subject. No. That’s the worst thing you can do. When others listen and even acknowledge our sadness and loneliness it is a comfort that helps ease the pain. Let them talk, cry, rail at the universe, whatever they need to do. Just listening is the best gift of all.
- If you don’t cry, you’re not grieving. Not true. Sometimes the shock of loss is numbing. Some people don’t like to cry publicly. And yes, sometimes, after a long, difficult illness, the first reaction is relief and that’s ok. Everyone grieves differently. Hugs are always appropriate responses to anyone’s grief.
- Surviving family members do not want to be reminded of their loss. No. It is a gift to remember an anniversary of a loved one’s death and to tell a friend you are thinking of them at that time.
- The stages of grief are sequential. They’re not. How someone moves through the stages–or moves back and forth between them–is unique to that person. It’s not the orderly process we wish it were. The steps to transforming grief are different for everyone.
I’ve not only studied grief, but I’ve lived through it time and time again. So when I sat down to produce our supportive products for those who grieve, I knew more than a little about it. Our Guided Journal through Grief is meant to help loved ones feel through their grief by expressing their emotions in safe place. Each page has a meditation, a prompt, an activity or an idea for a ritual to honor their loved one. If they don’t like to write, they can make a little collage of mementoes and things cut out of magazines. Or draw or paint. Customers say that the guided journal is a wonderful place for them to let out all they feel–and at the end, they love having the completed journal about their relationship with their loved one. Some even plan to share this “memory book” with children who may not have known a grandparent or other family member.
Our elegant Transforming Grief Affirmation Deck or convenient Online Subscription with the same affirmations gives loved ones a daily healing meditation to help them not only remember, but honor their loved ones.
Please know that both the guided journal and card deck are beautiful, supportive tools — part of our Large Condolence Gift that is now on sale for $30 –and we’ll ship anywhere in the US free U.S. and discount shipping to other countries. Your message on our card. These have been very well-received. Sale on until Dec 1. The cards are part of our Regular Condolence gift now on sale for only $15 with free shipping.
See all of our lovely, sensitive grief products and condolence gifts here at A Healing Spirit. The online affirmation subscriptions are on sale until Dec. 31.
The holidays are a tough time to grieve and don’t I know it: I honor two losses every Christmas season. These gifts would be thoughtful to anyone in this position. Sale ends Friday.