If you’re wondering why there are so many shiny-faced, duck-billed, large-and-perky-breasted women around, wonder no more. For men, self-esteem is usually connected with their professional image, but for women, it’s almost completely tied to their appearance and how they think they will appear to men.
Women take what they see in the mass media very seriously, sometimes without even realizing it. Stick-thin models, big-eyed waifs with smooth skin, full pouty lips, large breasts and certainly no wrinkles–this is the media ideal that women feel compelled to live up to. We internalize the messages so much that some go to extremes to try to fit that mold.
What are they thinking?
Anorexia–starvation, tied to a mistaken belief that we’re too fat, even when skeletal–can kill. And does. Men can have anorexia but it’s much more prevalent in women, and especially young women. But not just young women. Who hasn’t looked at a photo of Celine Dion and wondered if she were anorexic?
Women who starve themselves down to the bone, literally, don’t see what we see.
Media images are pervasive. Even Dove’s much-vaunted “big girls” campaign on “real beauty” retouched photos of the plus-sized models.
Will I find someone?
If I don’t fit the ideal, will I find I mate? Some women wonder. Because that is often the bottom line.
One of the great things about the TV show Mad Men was that the sexy vixen of the show was quite voluptuous, in that 1950s-Varga girl-hourglass-figure kind of way. A big girl by today’s standard. And there’s no doubt at all that she’s sexy, by anyone’s standard. But that’s not what we usually see.
I have a visceral understanding of this, because I’ve always been what society today calls a big girl. My “normal” size is 12, I’m best at 10 and models that size are considered “plus”. Which is ludicrous. It’s easy for me to swing 20 or more pounds either way, depending on how much exercise I’m getting and what I eat.
You might be surprised
Although many women believe that they won’t be attractive to potential mates if they aren’t thin–especially a male mate, it’s not true: women would be surprised at the number of very fit men who prefer a woman with a more womanly body. In my single days, I went out with a personal trainer (not mine). I was not thin at the time. I dated one of those southern California gladiator-stunt men. An East Bay cop. A Hollywood creative executive. All pretty fit guys. I was NOT THIN.
I like being a bigger girl. I feel I am more in touch with sensuality and with my body than some I know who are constantly self-conscious and trying to stay skinny. And I have never had a problem finding a male mate if I wanted one.
When I admire a woman’s body, myself, that woman is usually curvaceous, not thin.
Look, no question that it’s better to be fit than not. And I do feel better when I’m working out all the time. And look better. (BTW, fat women can be fit. Fat is not always unhealthy, as difficult as that may be to understand.)
But the degree to which self-esteem is tied to body image in women is not healthy.It’s a myth that we have to match some media ideal to live a full life. Fact is, we don’t.
I’m toying with the idea of doing a webinar for bigger girls soon a topic related to this some time this year. Because it’s something I am pretty passionate about.
If you’ve got thoughts about this I’d love to hear them in the comments.
I somewhat disagree. I don’t care about how I look to men. I care to stay thin for ME. For my health. I think things are finally changing to embrace plus-sized women more than ever….but I have concerns for their health. Bottom line.
Yes, I can see, myself, that it’s very hard to understand that many plus size people are perfectly healthy. Do not take medications. Do not need them. Are not diabetic. And…are even fit. Yes. Many much fatter than I am are super flexible yogis that do not take BP meds. Or cholesterol meds. The idea that fat people get that way by bellying up to the donut bar is not accurate. What’s so hard to understand given what we hear– Thin does not guarantee health. I know several people who would be considered “grossly obese” who are healthier than my thin friends of the same age. But that is not what we are told. I would encourage you to look more deeply at ‘thin’.
Hi Carol! How are you? You got me going on this one. I found I needed to write this today: https://adventuresofthenewoldfarts.com/2021/02/03/women-and-weight/
My weight has been all over the place as an adult, from a low of 118 lb to a high of 186. I’ve been a member of Weight Watchers, with one break, since 2012, and for me, it worked. What can I tell you about my high weight point? I was flirting with diabetes. Once my knee got so bad from arthritis (made worse by the weight I was carrying at 186) I couldn’t even step up from the street to the curb without agonizing pain. So losing the weight, for me, was a matter of health and regaining my full mobility. Stress eating and eating out of boredom are my weaknesses and it’s a struggle. It always will be. Our mindset, our self image, the way we view ourselves and others, and weight are so intermixed and I still find myself sometimes judging others for their weight which is so WRONG. Whatever the weight your body feels the best at is your best weight, and we need to be kind to ourselves, always. Good luck with your proposed webinar.
The duck lips get me the most — even on fairly young women. I don’t know how anyone can find them attractive.
I’ve found that the thinner I was all my life, the more difficult I find aging, settling and gaining weight that doesn’t come off like it used to. Even thinner women need to beware of wrapping up their self esteem in their weight or they are setting themselves up for a difficult journey into middle age.
I just say, “I was a waif before pregnancy,”(quite thin) “and became a goddess with motherhood” gained 10 lbs before I even knew I was preggers. I like to think that I am just a model for a Venus figurine.
Love your style, girl!
Thin girl, boyish body…reduces the chance of her getting pregnant (and not miscarrying). Bingo!
I’m not sure how the two relate but it’s an interesting thought.