Thank you to LL for permission to use her quote and this image.
There’s a lot to unpack in this pointed quote, which is all about judgment. Most of us are judgmental, at least to some degree. But when we sit in judgment of others it means we’re not exercising an important trait: empathy. We are not accessing our ability to feel or understand the feelings of others.
Yes, it can be difficult to put ourselves in another’s shoes. And it’s a skill that has to be developed. I believe we are born with the ability to empathize but our fears and insecurities get in the way. Those loom large in all our lives. They are perfectly normal–but we can’t let them have the lead.
Some ugly judgments can arise when we give fear and insecurity free rein.
None of us is a perfect human being. We have all experienced pain and suffering, perhaps not in the same way, but nonetheless, pain is part of living. For us all. When we recognize that, we can more easily push past our judgments and really see the other person in their totality. To feel empathy. If we choose. And we should choose.
Take a moment to consider what they’ve gone through in their lives. Chances are, it’s far deeper and more significant than it looks on the surface. So dig a bit deeper.
I have friends who are often judged by how outsiders think they are. But I know the backstory. I know the depth of what they’ve experienced. It’s easier for me to not judge, to feel empathy, because I have that information.
But we don’t often know the backstory.
That’s why it’s good to simply assume there is one and if we can, try to access it. Imagine for a moment what it might be like to have gone through some of their life experiences. How that might have driven some of their behavior and attitudes. And if we don’t know enough, let’s assume there is more to the story than meets the eye.
The recognition that we do not know the full story is an important factor in meeting people where they are, rather than judging them for where we think they are not.
It’s not about us
It’s normal to think that people behave in a certain way because of us, when often it’s not about us, at all. WE are not the center of everyone’s universe, just our own. Sometimes I really do have to remind myself that there are likely to be factors at play that I am unaware of. How about you?
So my lessons as I write this (and yes, writing is always full of important reminders and teachable moments for me) are this:
It’s not about me. And this: People act out of their own life experiences.
Don’t they sound simple? But easy to forget.
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Nailed it! We tend to think everything is about us, when it rarely is. To practice non-judgement is hard. Especially in these trying times. But I wish everyone would try just a little harder.
This is so true, Carol! I, too am so guilty of judging others by my own measuring stick.
One of our daughters is going through some moderate to severe marital difficulties. When her SIL, realized ‘something’ was wrong, she offered her love and support. Daughter said, “She’s speculating about my marriage!”
And actually, SIL was worried Daughter had had a miscarriage, something she, herself had struggled with several times.
You are absolutely right. We tend to judge others by what we know and experience instead of what they know and experience!
So well said!
That anecdote says it all. Sending healing energy and love to you all.
It can be very hard to understand “the other side.” But have to remember, they have their issues as well. Compassion and empathy are our only hope.
Excruciatingly difficult. But we don’t have to keep them in our lives. No obligation.
Although I agree, I also admit that when people say one thing and do the opposite, when attempting to understand them, it’s hard to get a true feeling for where they’re coming from.
Yes, it can be impossible. Thankfully, we don’t have to understand them, just know there is some reason that has to do with them, not us. And we don’t have to keep them around! Thankfully.
I love this. Thanks!
Thanks for dropping in today!
Truer words were never spoken! Yes, we must remember it’s not about us when we get those poison darts. Thanks for sharing this.
It’s always surprising when people think it’s about them. And when I do. LOL