This blog post sat around for months and then, I began having conversations with a friend about their past. Their wounds went back many years, but were so deep and raw I bled for them. And it was so clear that they’d been wounded by someone who was wounded themselves. Wounded people can perpetuate the cycle of pain.
I know a lot about this because I was also wounded by someone who didn’t realize the extent of his own scars and how they drove his behavior. It was my father. After many years of excellent therapy I forgave him and never held it against him. We had a far better relationship as we both aged than we’d had in the past. I thought I was home-free.
Not so fast….
When you’re wounded so young it drives your adult behavior in ways that can be very difficult to notice, much less change. We operate on auto-pilot most of the time, just living life as it comes up. We don’t see how much those early experiences influence our actions involving all of the important things and people in our lives.
If we’re lucky, we get smart when we’re older. I hit my 60s before I saw that any time someone was nasty or there was negativity in the house I reacted viscerally. I didn’t like it. I mean I REALLY didn’t like it. I could feel my blood pressure rise and I’d get an apprehensive feeling in my stomach.
It’s the imprint
Once I started noticing my reaction, the root cause was obvious. I may have forgiven Dad, but his imprint appeared on so much of my life, for good and bad.
Maybe you’ve also been wounded by someone carrying scars of their own. If it’s a parent, and it most always is, because they influence us when we’re youngest and most impressionable, it’s helpful to see a good therapist. Someone who can help you gain perspective on their behavior.
It’s up to us
But the real work is ours: to identify the ways in which we’ve been imprinted and the way that shows in how we live, love and work. Sometimes, the dysfunction goes on for decades and it’s hard to shake off.
I’m here to tell you that you do not have to give a wounded person power over you. You CAN consciously work to shake it off. You CAN let go of resentment. You CAN feel the pain and release it. And you CAN decide to live a more functional life.
Change is difficult. But it is also possible.
And sometimes, very necessary.
Perhaps a regression could help clarify things. I’d love to talk to you about it! Schedule a call or send me an emai. Read more about regression here.