Most anxiety is a knee-jerk reaction to something we fear
and often fails to withstand any kind of critical analysis. I know this because I’ve just lived it.
Some random spotting caused me to see my GYN, who did an in-office ultrasound and, to my surprise, saw something “suspicious”. Until now, I’d felt safe, because there is almost no cancer in my family. But this made me quite anxious. After all, many of my friends have gone through cancer treatment or even died from it. White Coat Hypertension –or “high blood pressure at the doctor’s office” is the least of my anxiety problems when it comes to a cancer scare.
I approached the “official” ultrasound she ordered with ENORMOUS anxiety. Of course, I imagined the worst as I heard the tech clicking to take photographs of everything she saw. And the whole thing took forever.
Would they find the worst?
It showed an unusual thickening of the endometrium that could be “the bad thing” so my GYN wanted an in-office biopsy.
At that point you’d think my anxiety would be off the charts. Instead, it went completely away. Why was that?
When I meditated on my nervousness I realized that my anxiety would have no impact on the outcome. I either had cancer or I didn’t. Worrying wasn’t going to help or even change things.
Practicing what I preach
Before this, those had just been words. But now, in my meditation, I took them in. I wasn’t going to die tomorrow. And wouldn’t I be a complete hypocrite to fear death when I believe that we do not die, but simply transition to a different plane?
I know. Heavy thoughts. But they were super calming, simply because, with a little effort, I brought my thoughts in line with my beliefs.
I also enlisted the group of earthly angels I know—friends who sent out love and light, my two Reiki masters, my shaman friend and just about everyone in my luckily large spiritual support group. I felt completely loved and supported in moving forward.
Yes, the crystal thing
Selecting the best healing crystals from my collection, I carried them with me to all appointments. I had been doing healing meditations for days. I used my healing affirmations. I wore all my healing jewelry. I BELIEVE all this stuff helps and so, of course, it did.
Plus I thought about the many people I know who are living with cancer that is being controlled by treatment.
Here’s the best part: my blood pressure, normally sky-high in situations like this, was normal. NORMAL. So if that’s all this stuff did for me? It’s a big thing!
As it turned out, my GYN couldn’t complete the in-house biopsy.
How I managed pain
Her attempts were not pain-free. Any woman who has had a uterine biopsy knows what I mean.
But just that morning a good friend had revealed that in the numerous serious pain situations she’d experienced recently, she’d consistently used my pain relief recording. Like my husband related in HIS story, she was offered pain meds like crazy but she kept responding “I have no pain!” Because she was using the audio and used her mind to let the pain go. “It works!” she told me. “It really works.”
So I did that, too. After all, why wouldn’t I practice what I preach? I put in my earbuds and let my GYN do her thing—it worked: my pain was minimal. Here’s where to find the audio and more info.
Still, she couldn’t complete the biopsy.
“I suspect it’s a benign polyp,” she said, “but we need to do an in-hospital biopsy it to be sure.”
Don’t you love it when they give you “your options?”
Blood pressure still normal, I listened to my options. There were two: I could be admitted to the hospital for a D&C and biopsy under anesthesia, a same-day-home procedure. Then I would probably have a hysterectomy at a later date: my choice. I want everything that could be a future problem GONE.
OR we could move right to a hysterectomy with a GYN-oncology surgeon assisting my doc. They’d take it out, do a frozen section and if it was benign they’d proceed one way and if it wasn’t, another way. With the surgical oncologist right there.
I didn’t see any reason to go under twice. I’d already mentioned I wanted a complete hysterectomy, simply because too many of my friends have had a GYN cancer. I wanted it all gone. One less worry.
Surgery in my future
So when I return from my trip to Egypt in early April I’ll have a hysterectomy. I expect to be pain-free and anxiety-free. And here’s how I’ll make sure of it:
I will listen to healing meditations. I will ask my Reiki masters to support me. I will ask my shaman friend to do his thing. I will make sure my support circle knows time and date and I know I won’t even have to ask them to send positive vibes. I will use my crystals and healing crystal candles. I will use my own affirmations. I will use my own surgery prep, recovery, pain management and anxiety management audios.
And mostly I will trust that the Universe has my back, just like I blogged the other day. The Universe has my back and your back—all we have to do is trust.
If you’re facing a scare of your own, I’m here for you. Many of you already know that, but for those who don’t, trust that I am. Just shoot me an email at ccassara (at)gmail.com and we’ll talk.
And here are some helpful links:
Find my healing affirmations here.
Find audios for surgery prep, recovery, to relieve pain and anxiety here.
Find my healing crystal candles here.