How to look at difficult people through the lens of trauma

Childhood trauma imprints. Those imprints affect child development in a big way and all of that shows up bigtime in our adulthood.

That was the discussion I had over a cup of coffee one recent morning with someone who works in trauma.

We’d been talking about intuition and that bad vibe I get about some people I run across in the metaphysical world. That led to how childhood pain and trauma impact bad behavior as an adult.

I can see this clearly in my own family of origin but for some reason have never applied the lens of trauma more broadly.

Fred Trump by all accounts was a horrible father and there’s no doubt that Donald experienced some trauma growing up. His behavior is likely at least partly the result of that childhood trauma. Looking at him through that filter gives me more compassion. I don’t like his behavior any better, but it gives me a different view.

We have no insight into the growing up years of most people we run across as adults. Maybe, like me, you’ve met people that seem negative or not very nice.

Most people aren’t inherently not nice--there’s a reason. Maybe it’s armor to protect them. Maybe it’s what they saw growing up.

I might have known this intellectually but I haven’t applied it when it might have helped me deal with bad behavior. Or at least view it with more compassion.

It’s going to take effort on my part to remember the possible roots of bad behavior, at least at first. But I’ll spend less time just thinking “not a very nice person” and more time thinking “I am sorry for whatever childhood trauma might have made them that way.”

Insight.

You can’t beat it.