Here’s one thing we all have in common: lost love. Whether it’s a spouse, partner, family member, best friend–and whether we lose them through death or just lose their love–it’s all lost love.
Losing love–in any form–is one of the most painful experiences we go through in life.
As a younger woman going through the pain of lost love I thought it might be easier to have lost him through death than through divorce. That’s because I still hadn’t lost anyone I loved to death. Once I had, my view of lost love changed.
But no matter how we lose a loved one, we’re going to need to heal. And like any grief, it takes as long as it takes. But here are some tried and tested ways to cope:
Let yourself feel the pain.
Don’t numb it with substances, including food. Don’t try to avoid it. The only way to manage pain is to walk through it bravely.
Look toward the future
Oh, you won’t feel like it. It’s easy to get mired in the present pain of grief and feel as if your life is over. But it isn’t…the future is where your life is headed, and you can go there the easy way OR you can do it the hard way: by resisting. Oh, you might not feel like dating, if it’s a romantic love lost. Not right away. But if you enjoyed the pleasures of partnership, down the road you might reconsider.
Be open
We often think we have our life planned out and when something changes that, it’s easy to shut down. But be open to the wondrous things that could happen.
Pay attention
You won’t see those wondrous things if you aren’t paying attention. Be attuned to your present and the magic that might pop up.
Forgive
Loss almost always asks us to forgive someone. I won’t say more. I have had to forgive family, mates and friends, all. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Don’t be afraid to give love again. And receive it.
It’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
This little volume helped me a lot decades ago and it still is chock-full of wisdom: How to Survive the Loss of a Love. See affiliate link below.
Survive Loss Love By Peter McWilliams
If you’ve got tips for surviving any kind of lost love, I’d like to hear them.
Its not easy for sure but time heals even though it can be hard at times! Great post
Hearing about my friends divorces has been painful. Mainly because the spouses who are no longer together and both were my friends so while I don’t want to be rude, I also do not want to hear them bad-mouth each other around me.
You really need to let yourself live through the pain. It’s not very easy at times. But you really need to do it if you are going to heal.
Losing someone you love is the hardest thing. This is a nice way for people to realise they are not alone and there is help out there!
I haven’t experienced the death of a friend or family and I do not know if there is good preparation for it. In any case, I find your advice is very useful.
It’s not always easy to cope with loss especially if it’s someone close. I find that as I get older I hear about more death although I suppose we know more and more people as we age. Great advice I am sure that many that are grieving will find it helpful.
This is very inspirational and emotion-filled. You have such nice ideas.
These are really great tips! I think finding a really great support system is important too.
Losing love is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. These are great tips to make it a little easier.
It is a trial that no one enjoys. It is sometimes the hardest thing we ever do.
I lost a dear friend a few years ago that was like a second mom to me. It was really hard and luckily I haven’t had to deal with anything like that again…. yet. EVen now its hard.
This is such an important post. Losing love is just as hard as losing a loved one is.
I lost my aunt in 2016 to brain cancer. Of all the losses I’ve suffered over the years, that one hit the hardest. I also lost my grandparents within a year of each other. My gran went first, and my pop deteriorated within months. I think he really did die of a broken heart.
You know I have been through a divorce. It sucks knowing someone fell out of love with you or really never did love you the way you should have been loved. I’ve also witness a friend of mine lose her husband to death and there are so many stages to grief. I have to say she is one of the most inspiring people I know and she’s handled it extremely well. She’s always had a great head on her shoulders and I’ve always looked up to her. My husband is 12 years older than me, so its a certainty that he will pass before me unless something unexpected happens to me. I just hope I can handle my grief in the same way she did hers.
Losing a loved one in any way is incredibly painful. This is all very sound advice for making it through it.
Loosing a loved one is never easy. But I have learned that in time, life does get a little easier in dealing with the grief.
My friend needs to read this. She is going through a breakup right now.
Love is the strongest emotion we have so losing it is the most difficult. I am lucky I have my husband and cherish our time together.
My father in law passed away over 2 years ago, and it has still been very difficult for her. We try to be a support system for her.
Beautiful helps, Carol! Beautiful.
To me it honestly depends on who the person is and the situation. Losing someone is never easy though and having a support system helps.
This is good to keep in mind. I can’t imagine losing someone I love. I know it will hurt for a bit, but I’d slowly start to heal.
I NEEDED this. I am still dealing with the sudden loss of two of my dearest friends. Both passed away unexpectedly 9 weeks ago and it has really been a difficult time for me as I grapple with the overflow of emotions. I am learning to grieve and it’s tough, it’s really tough.
For me, I like to keep them a part of my daily life. I include them in my daily prayers, refer to them often in my conversations, and keep their memory alive by telling their stories.
A friend of mine just lost his father a couple of weeks ago. I think it is starting to hit him now. He does not understand why he is so angry at times. It is all a part of the grieving process. And we all have to grieve in different ways.
Having someone that will listen and just talk to is always important. My mom has been gone from this earth for 21 years now. I still go out to her grave site and sit and talk to her. They are always with us.
Time may not heal all wounds but it sure does help lessen the pain. My mom was my best friend and when she graduated to heaven, I didn’t think I could go on without her in my daily life, but I’m doing it because I know she wouldn’t want me to stay sad forever.