Watching CNN’s series, 1968, brought me back to that time in my own life when I saw up close and person the kind of hatred and bigotry we wanted to eradicate.
The other day I saw a video online of some mother screaming at someone and calling him a “dirty nigger.” This, with two of her children present. Her hatred and venom came through loud and clear. Despite legislation, despite so much work, we can’t seem to eradicate hatred and bigotry. 50 years later.
The other week I had an encounter with a family member I hadn’t seen in almost a decade, whose intent it was to wound. Her venom was palpable.
Expose it! Call it out!
In Toronto last month I had a late night conversation with a small group of women about the hatred that awful man in the Oval has legitimized. I suggested he may have done us a favor by turning over a rock and exposing hatred to the light. That evil thrived in darkness and couldn’t survive long in the light. Only by shining a light on evil can we eradicate it, I said. A woman of Caribbean descent who faces racism daily disagreed. My husband pointed out that when you are a target of hatred you don’t want to see it. I responded that we can’t fight what we can’t see. It was a spirited and candid discussion.
I’ve thought a lot about hatred these many years and wanted to write about it. And then I saw something my friend, Victoria Cayce wrote:
If someone does not know you, yet chooses to hate you, then it cannot be you they really hate. Their ideas of who you are, or are not, are simply a fragment of their projected pain. They are not responding to you, as much as it seems that way. They are responding to their own suffering. You just happen to be in the way. Remember that when you happen to be the target. People act and react from where they are. Don’t take it personally. People who are unable to love will never love you. Not because of you, but because they are unable. Measure your response accordingly. May all beings be at peace. ~ With much love, Victoria Cayce
I love just about everything Victoria writes (see her blog) but this message particularly resonated for me the week I saw it.
It is so hard for us to get past our horror, our anger, our hurt feelings and see the actions of others as based on their projected pain. We do take it personally.
And yet, Victoria is right. People act and react in response to their own suffering.
I know this is hard to swallow, but it’s true:
Those people acting out in 1968? Reflecting their own pain and fear.
The same with that mother screaming racial epithets.
And the same with my family member.
The question is: what are we to do about it?
First, we MUST call it out. We MUST. every time we see it. Call it out. Give it a name. Show it’s not acceptable.
Certainly, political action is important. Critical. Key.
On a more personal level, though, the only thing we can do is send love and more love their way. No matter how unlovable they are.
Because oh, how they need love! And their un-lovability has nothing to do with us.
It’s got to be more than words on a screen
As I finish this I saw a post on Facebook talking about a bad neighbor and asking for suggestions as to revenge that could be taken. I suggested revenge was not the answer. That the only thing to do was to send love and compassion that neighbor’s way as they surely needed it. The poster’s response was “Too late for that.” Ah, I thought. It’s never too late for love.
I looked at her bio and this is what it said: Love conquers hate. Choose love. I can see that words are one thing but actions? Another.
Love. Put it out there in great quantities. Especially today.
May all beings be loved.
Because, as I believe with all my heart, love is all you need.
All of these things are spewed at all race and color. I am white and have been spit on and screamed at. Until everyone stops blaming each other and comes together this will never end
That is beautifully said. You really can’t fight fire with fire. It’s good to show them what love is and what it can do to something as powerful as hate.
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I am so lost in this nasty world, Carol.
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Me, too, Diane.
It is so sad that people still carry such ignorant hate in their being. I am different and have experienced prejudice and hate first hand so i feel for you.
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I’ll have to say that I grew up in an extremely diverse city, so i didn’t see hate by race until I was older. Love is love…and the best way to live peacefully.
There really needs to be more love in this world. Hatred is always hard to brush off and is usually a reflection of the hater’s own misery.
I agree that its more about them. Still, its hard to watch the ugliness of hatred, especially when children are present. Heart-breaking.
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It saddens me that we can’t fix a problem like this one in our lifetime. I was hoping that when I left this world, that things would be better.
I never understand why people have to be so cruel towards either. I like everyone unless they show me I shouldn’t.
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I can not even fathom being a person of color in our country. If I ever actually witness an act of bigotry in person, there will be very little room for love.
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It is so important to always show love to others. Too many people hate for no reason or project their own fears.
It is horrible that we are even still dealing with these attitudes. I am a big fan of showing kindness and grace to all.
This is such a great post and I LOVE it all. I think even just being a blogger and putting yourself out there people will judge you. I;ve experienced this type of behavior and just will rise above it!
Carrying hate all the time in your heart is such a baggage. You are right, love is all we need.
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It’s NEVER too late for love but it has to start somewhere so why not let it start with us. Sow seeds of kindness despite the hate you encounter.
We need more love! Definitely! Hate does not need to be part of our lives!
I have no words. Its all so digusting and needs to stop. It seems to be getting worse by the day too. I dont really care how people feel about me but I chose to be happy and only share happy.
This is some great information for those that need it! It could really help some people.
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Why can’t the world just get along?! It would make life so much easier. Unfortunately, there lots if different types of hatred around and it seems like it will never stop.
Hi Carol! Thanks for the intro to Victoria. I am unfamiliar with her blog but from the quote you used, I’m sure she is someone I would appreciate. I so agree. We must take action but if we do it with anger or hate we ADD to the problem regardless of how self-righteous it seems. I firmly believe we must be the peace we hope to see in the world. From there we can share the light. Thanks for these reminders. ~Kathy
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This post is everything! Like I always tell my girls, kindness will always win (or at least I hope)
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Maybe your family member feels pain you may have caused him or her. There are always several sides to an issue.
The hate in the world in general is terrible, and is becoming worse. What will the world be like for our kids and grands.