One of the most inspirational women I know is guesting today with an important message. Meet my Australian friend, Sue Loncaric.
Losing loved ones is usually the time when we start to ponder our own mortality, but like most things we soon get caught up in life and start to take living for granted.
I lost my Dad when he was 66, my Mum at 63 and my brother at 65, so as I approached my own 60th birthday last year, thoughts of my own mortality became a more frequent visitor. When my Dad died he had just retired and was looking forward to spending time with my mother who was battling cancer. Within 6 months he was gone and so were his longed-for dreams.
I determined then that life was there to be lived and to make every moment count. Of course, life doesn’t always go to plan but it is vital that we make the most of each day that we have.
Few of us feel comfortable with the topic of death and our mortality and I certainly don’t like to think about it, however, the topic has crossed my mind more frequently of late.
There is no avoiding the issue – we will all die one day. It is how we live now that is important but equally important is how we address the issue of our own mortality.
I recently, wrote an article about ‘worry’ and how it can rob us of joy in our lives, especially when what we are worrying about is out of our control.
Death, is out of our control but we can ensure that we don’t become obsessed with it and lose out on living our life now, by taking control.
Here are 6 steps to taking control of your mortality and living the life you want now.
1. Accept and Acknowledge
Once we accept the inevitable and acknowledge that we won’t live forever, the subject isn’t quite so daunting. For some of us it can be a frightening thought, but seriously thinking about, accepting and acknowledging your feelings and fears can help.
2. Plan and document your wishes
I hadn’t really given much thought to this until my father-in-law passed away just over a year ago. Seeing my husband having to go through the pain of losing his father plus organising everything was very stressful for him. By documenting your wishes as to what you want to happen to you when you die, takes the pressure off those who are left behind.
Take time and have an ‘end of life’ discussion with your family. Sure they won’t want to talk about it, but it is a discussion that needs to take place while you are still healthy and can express your wishes clearly.
3. Keep fit and active
It is never too late to start living a healthier lifestyle. Keeping fit and active, not just physically but mentally and spiritually will add value to your life. Making healthier food choices and generally looking after your health and well-being will ensure that you can enjoy your life fully with energy and vigour.
4. Don’t stop acting on your dreams
Life is for living so don’t dwell on what may or may not happen. Act on your dreams and make them a reality. If you have an opportunity to do something you have always wanted to do – go for it! Don’t just exist but live.
Mark Twain sums it up perfectly:
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time’
5. Make gratitude a part of each day
Being grateful and thankful for all you have in life and make time each day to recognise the bounty you have. When you wake or before sleep (or both) reflect for a few moments on three things you are grateful for.
6. Make your life count
How do you want to be remembered? Embracing and living your life as a role model to your children, grandchildren and friends is a wonderful legacy to leave them. Above all make each day count and find joy in life.
And then:
Don’t Obsess
It is easy to become obsessed with mortality, especially as we age, but why not put our energy and focus on living life to the full rather than obsessing over the future?
Surround yourself with positive people
People who are enthusiastic about life can certainly inspire and motivate us to enjoy life and make things happen.
Find purpose in your life
Having a reason to greet each day with anticipation is vital to our health and well-being. Giving back to the community by volunteering is a wonderful and rewarding way to bring purpose into your life.
Be spontaneous and have fun
Don’t keep saying ‘one day’ and putting off what you would like to do. Bring fun back into your lifestyle and try new things. It is amazing how excited you feel when you do something out of the ordinary or normal routine.
Learn something new or make time to include your passions which bring joy and pleasure to your life.
Seek help
If this subject is disturbing to you and your mental well-being, seek advice from a professional to help overcome your fears or anxieties. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to talk about how you feel.
I found this video on YouTube which really puts things into perspective.
This is a great post Sue and that first quote is spot on! So many people lose part of themselves while still alive but don’t even realise it. I like the tips and feel they are very helpful, especially getting things sorted before death occurs, or at least having a discussion beforehand so others know your views. With my father passing away recently I felt I started to obsess a bit, getting things sorted in case I was to die suddenly and overthinking things a bit too much.
Thanks Carol for sharing Sue’s post,and you’re right, she’s very inspiring!
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What an insightful & helpful post Sue. It certainly is hard when special “dates” & “ages” come along & we recall what happened to loved ones. I am glad though, that this is aomething you acknowledged rather than hide. It IS far better to have things out in the open than hidden or ignored.
In our family, my brother & I are in our mid-late 60s & Dad is still alive & going ok for a 94 yr old. Both my brother & I know of Dad’s wishes should he become irrevocably ill & my brithet is his Power of Attorney & Guardian. Because of distance I am nor. Dad has just come home from 2 weeks in a rehab hospital following a scary attack of vertigo which left him immobile. It was his first stay in hospital since 1947!
Anyway, if families have the hard conversations it is always for the good. Our adult kids know where our documents are but of course, we continue to live well & except for this nuisance of cancer, are OK! Denyse
I love your attitude to Mortality. We needn’t be sad about it. Sad or not death will still come to us all. We should make the most of every moment and live well.
Get out and do the things you want to do now. Never know when death will happen thank goodness. Like your ideas about living so don’t wait to do something.
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I have no problem dealing with my own mortality but losing my loved ones bothers me greatly.
Yup, I always try to stay grateful. It takes less energy to be that way. I also try to always make my life count and have fun. Tomorrow is promised to no one, after all.
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Great post Sue – you’re so right about living the life we have right now. So many of us just exist and then we find we’re old and it’s too late to do the things we should have started when we were younger. We don’t all have the financial means to do all the things on our bucket list, but we can make a start on some of the smaller ones. I think being upfront about what you’d like your “end” to be is really healthy too – I’m planning on having some of my funeral stuff in a file so my husband/kids know where to start at least.
Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au recently posted…MIDLIFE SHARE THE LOVE LINK PARTY #14
Your post is a very informative thanks for the tips. I do believe that fear is a joy killer. It is so unfortunate that so many people live just for retirement and not live for the day day.
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Excellent post that mirrors many of my own thoughts as I approach the 60-milestone marker ahead. I love the positive actions you include, which are good for living a fuller, healthier, more meaningful life at any age you’re at.
Trisha Faye recently posted…Zen of Ageing
This is something I fear, somewhat. My mother passed away at a young age, but my grandparents were a lot older. As a matter of fact, my dad is approaching his 77th birthday this year, and he is still active, and is still going strong. Heck he got remarried just last spring. If I can just focus on living like him, I’m all good.
It is so important to live your best life because you don’t know when it ends. My parents both died young so i want to live healthier than they did and learn from their mistakes.
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Definitely try to live each day to its fullest! There are days that are successful at it and there are days that I am not. I do travel a lot more now than I used to because there’s so much to see in so little time to see everything.
My annual physical is tomorrow and I am ready for the “You should start…” from my doc. I know I have to do better and I making efforts to do so. I just have to remind myself of the reward of honoring my body by not filling it up with junk.
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Terrific points! I love that Mark Twain quote. I totally believe in being prepared for your death. If not prepaying your funeral at least having everything in order!
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Yes, there’s no doubt that we’re all going to pass on someday and it would be nice if we could make the most out of our lives. I like the suggestions that you mentioned especially number 5. That makes you appreciate everything that you have and it helps you have a positive mind set.
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This is a great message and someone definitley needs to hear this today. I am doing all I can to live my best life right now.
This is such great advice. I really needed to read this post right now. My life is changing real fast.
I think keeping fit and active is a long-term goal that I really have to stick with. I can’t wait for warmer weather to get outside more.
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Oh, that’s so powerful. I lost my adult son 8 yrs ago and I deal with it pretty good. YOu’re right, it’s what’s inside that counts now. For me anyways.
I can see these steps being really helpful in getting out of a slump. Worrying can ruin a lot of things!
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At some point we all pass on and that’s something I’m ok with but losing those I love (like my mom at 16) and the thought of ever losing my kids etc I just can’t deal
With.
We just had some health scares and really made us think about our mortality. What a deep topic.
This is all such great advice and reminders. I find writing things down helps me be more deliberate and the gratitude part is so important!
This is such a deep post and there are so many great tips in here. I think accepting is key and not obsessing over the loss is something we need to work on. I lost my grandma at a very young, so I completely understand all of this! Great post!
I lost my dad when I was 16 and I had a scare when my my had cancer a few years ago. I do make it a point to make my moments matter and do as much as I can while I still can.
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My mom has been more active in her preparation. At first I found it morbid to talk about her funeral and such, but I appreciate that she’s trying to alleviate future stress. She’s definitely following your steps much better than I am.
It’s important to have that ‘end of life’ conversation with the grown kids. I haven’t done it formally yet but I have done it informally with each of them.
The video is not available for viewing but these are all great pointers. I lost my father and brother (51 and 37) 15 years ago and it always worry me , that’s why I keep a healthy lifestyle to make a difference.
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It really is time for us to start taking control of things. We are waiting on no one but ourselves; love this!
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Your posts are always so spiritually motivating. I really gained a lot from this and needed to hear it!
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I absolutely agree with that Mark Twain quote. After losing a 3-month-old niece and a 24-year-old nephew, it’s been made abundantly clear to me that you never know when your time will come. I hope to live by example and show my grandson to live life to the fullest and without regrets!
Im definitely documenting my wants and desire. If you write it, it will manifest!
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Thanks for sharing this motivational post. I’ve been having so much pain lately, and try my best to think positive. It’s hard ;(
Hi Sue (and Carol!) I so agree that this conversation is an important one. My older sister recently passed and it has been a process for sure. One thing the minister said when she met with the family was to “consider this time as a pause.–like hitting the pause button on life.” And I thought that was remarkable. My recognizing the deep significance of the time as both honoring my sister AND processing what death means to each of us, it holds incredible power. Not easy but powerful. Thanks for all your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
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