If you’ve grieved any kind of loss at all you might feel like you’re falling apart.
My therapist pointed out that when we lose something or someone of value, we ARE falling apart. Because we are forced to deconstruct the person we were.
Riley was in my DNA. I was “Riley’s mom” and so much of my life revolved around that.
In an instant, he was gone and so was part of my identity. Because our identity revolves around the important figures in our life. My attachment to him didn’t automatically unlatch because he transitioned. And in fact, I’ll always be attached to him. Always.
Now, just in a different way.
Oh, that’s been hard to accept!
Loss changes us
Identity can also revolve around activities we do. Our mobility. Our job. When those things are gone and we feel like we are falling apart, what we’re really doing is wondering, “Who am I, now that I don’t have that dog/person/job/activity in my life?”
That’s how loss changes us.
Sometimes, falling apart is ok as we figure out how to reconstruct ourselves in a new way.
For me, moving forward requires me to acknowledge what a precious thing Riley was in my life. How important he was to who I am. To who I was.
Only then can I begin to rebuild who I am now.
If you’d like support dealing with your own loss, see my grief products, here.