You know already that we have adopted two dogs, whom we already love so much. My grief is in a different place today. But since I work so much in the field of grief, I am still going to share some of my grieving process in the hope that it helps others. I wrote this back in early January and I just couldn’t share it because I couldn’t bear to see his photo on my blog and I couldn’t bear to face my grief. But today, I’m sharing. Here’s what I wrote in January:
I look at my face in the mirror and see something I hadn’t seen for a while. Something I’ve seen since Nov. 30.
A look of vulnerability.
Sadness. Pain. Puzzlement. Heartbreak.
And even resignation.
That’s the look of deep grief.
What I haven’t yet seen is acceptance. Lightness. Happiness.
I haven’t seen a smile. Oh, I’ll laugh with others. Smile at kids and even at dogs.
But when it’s just me, alone, I don’t smile. I just sigh. Big, deep, sighs of resignation that say that I am resigned to his loss but don’t yet accept it.
That I’m still not convinced there isn’t a way to get him back.
Sighs that, if I let go, would turn into a tear and then many tears. Except that they do upset my poor husband.
Still, if I have to cry, I cry.
But my husband? He’s at the point where memories make him smile. My memories make me cry.
I am still grieving. I see it clearly every morning when I face myself in the mirror.
The love of my life.
Some might say he was “just a dog.”
I know better.
He was the light and love of my life. He was my reason to smile every day and laugh out loud. He was my first thought in the morning, my last at night and yes, even in the middle of the night.
It’s clear now that I had known for a long time that he would die soon. I had been told all along by Spirit. From the time he was young I knew he wouldn’t reach old age.
I just wouldn’t bring it to conscious thought because that would mean I’d have to accept it. And even though he’s been gone more than two months, I still don’t accept it.
My friend, the shaman says that those who love deeply grieve deeply. Yes.
Yes, when I look in the mirror all I see is the face of grief.
Maybe you see it in someone, too. Maybe even me.
So if you know someone who is grieving, let them.
There’s no such thing as too much active grieving. Too long might mean six years of active grieving, not six months. But it’s different for everyone Because who ever gets over a big loss?
We never do. Not really.
THIS is what helped me and it might help your loved ones, too. Grief does transform in time. Its own time. So be patient with yourself and with those you love.
Blessings, love and light to all who grieve. May their deep love always remain foremost in their lives.
I have a friend who suffered from anxiety depression and a dog is her way of recovering. It gives her bundle of joy so I must say really dogs and other pets give something that helps a person heal.
I fell the same about my Truman. I have suffered through the loss of another pet so I know it is inevitable but I believe it is so worth it!
I can’t event image, I love my doggie. He’s always by my side. He makes me laugh, and picks me up when I’m sad.
It is always hard to lose a family member. I was so depressed when I lost my dog 7 years ago! It seems like it was yesterday!
I just can’t even imagine losing one of my pets. I love them all so much and would cry for days.
I always think of a line from The Butcher’s Wife.
“It takes as long as it takes.”
That could apply to so many things, but especially grief. We can cry and shout and rage and accept. It just takes as long as it takes. Don’t try to rush it. You’re right. It never really goes away. Just loses some of its force.
Thinking of you, my friend!
The death of any pet is hard on everyone. The grieving process is so difficult to navigate. I hope your new lives are bringing closure and new beginnings with a whole lot of happiness
Grief is a tough thing, and different for everyone. I lost my parents at a young age, and it still gets to me. I still grieve, just differently, now that it isn’t so recent.
Loosing a part of your family is hard. I think people deal with it at different times and at different levels. I can sure relate.
Our dogs were more like family members than pets! I love that you suggest acknowledge the grief that comes when they pass away.
I know how you feel. I would be lost without my little dog. She is like a special spirit that knows all even though she can only bark.
Pets are family members so you will always grieve for him. Heck, my daughter lost her hamster and she still misses him. I miss my cats that we lost! It’s perfectly normal.
I find it hard to lose a family member, one of the worse experiences in my life and something only itme can heal. We will never forget a lost one. I am sorry for your loss and know the heartbreak you are going through. Sending you the love and hugs from london
So powerful and moving, Carol. So sorry for your loss.
I remember when my ex-husband left, it was just relief. I still had my dog and my son. My dog had my back. Literally, he slept on my bed, back to back with me. He would start at my feet, but he never stayed there. A year later, my dog got ill and died and I cried so hard and for so long. My ex-husband leaving didn’t make me cry once, but my dog…the pain was almost unbearable at the time.
Grieving like loving is different for each person. What a lovely post, brought tears to my eyes!
Dear Carol. I am so very sorry for your loss. This post shares a tiny bit of the heartbreak that you are experiencing. You are so right that we never get passed losing a beloved one. May the memories gradually give you the comfort that you need. ~Kathy
Yes, to love deeply is also to grieve deeply. I have lost many fur babies over the years, and it has always been terribly painful. The three pugs I now have are getting older, and I dread the day I will have to say goodbye. I truly understand your pain. Sending big hugs to you <3
You provided some great advice. Dealing with grief is never easy. No one loss is the same and no one person is the same dealing with the loss.
We have an older dog right now, she’s 14, and isn’t getting around so well. Her life expectancy was 10 to 14 years, so I know the time is near. Even though I know the end is coming, it’s still going to be so hard. Those furry creatures seem to dig a hole into our hearts and carve out a space that nothing can replace.
It is always hard to lose a family member. In the last couple of years we have lost two dogs if our own and it breaks my heart. I wish dogs could live a lot longer. They have so much love to give in the little time that they are here on earth. I am sorry for your loss and I’m glad that you’re finding a way to work through your grief.
That deck of affirmation cards sounds interesting. I bet that could help a lot of people process their grief better. Everyone has to go through the process on their own timeline.
I don’t think there is anything as just a dog. They are amazing creatures, ones who almost seem to know more about us then we ever do ourselves.
Sending you big hugs.
Just like loosing a loved one we all grieve in our own personal way. Hope the two new family additions are starting to give you much love and making new memories.
It’s never easy to lose a family member. I remember when my cat passed away, I didn’t realize how sad I would be. Thankfully, I nowI look back on his life with a smile and fond memories.