Irene & her beautiful daughter, Carly
I met Irene Vouvalides last year at an Afterlife Symposium and was struck by her positivity and the sense of joy that surrounded her. So I was surprised when I heard that her beautiful daughter, Carly, had passed from cancer. Losing a child is excruciating, as I knew only too well from my ex-husband’s loss of his 19-year old daughter. I understood more about Irene’s positivity when she told me about the group she was involved in, Helping Parents Heal, and her own work providing support to grieving parents. I was certain that this bigger purpose for her life was part of the reason she had come through such a heartbreaking experience.
Helping Parents Heal is an amazing support group that anyone whose child has passed should know about. What’s different is that many members wouldn’t refer to losing a child because they believe their child isn’t lost at all. But let Irene tell you a little about Helping Parents Heal.
People often say that losing a child is perhaps the hardest grief of all. How would you respond to that?
Having experienced the passing of many family members including my parents I can honestly say nothing compares or can prepare you for the passing of your child. It is out of what we consider the normal order of life: you expect to outlive your parents but no one expects to outlive their children. The shock and trauma that follows are unthinkable. A line has been drawn in the sand so to speak, the before and after. Life as we have known it has changed forever.
What is Helping Parents Heal & how might grieving parents benefit from the group?
Helping Parents Heal (HPH) is a support group founded by Elizabeth Boisson and Mark Ireland after the passing of Elizabeth’s son Morgan at the base camp of Mt Everest in November of 2009. We differ from other support groups by allowing the open discussion of spiritual experiences and evidence for the afterlife in a non-dogmatic way. We believe that healing is possible.
How does a parent find the group?
HPH has two FB groups one of which is the online group where bi-weekly meetings are available to members via ZOOM. Our website is www.helpingparentsheal.org where a wealth of information is available. You can enter your children’s birth and angel date, as well as a picture and they, will be posted on those days. You can sign up for our monthly newsletter on the website as well. We have over 50 chapters worldwide now where you can attend a meeting, many chapters are doing online meetings that anyone can attend.
We just had our first conference this past April where almost 500 parents were in attendance, it was a huge success. We are now planning our next conference in Charleston, South Carolina in April 2020.
How might loved ones best support grieving parents?
Loved ones honestly can support parents by just being there, showing up and offering love. Even if they say ” I have no words but please know I am here for you “. Don’t be afraid to say their names we want nothing more than to hear their names and listen to stories about them. They still exist, they just no longer walk this earth. Please don’t expect us to “get over our grief;” we learn to live with it.
Are there any words of support you could give parents who are going through the loss of a child?
Please know that in time, with hard work and perhaps a change in your current belief system healing is possible. Our children are very much alive they just no longer have physical bodies. It is possible to connect with our children in the afterlife and knowing that we will be reunited with them when it is our time to leave this earth brings comfort to us all. There are currently over 11,000 members in HPH who are willing to reach out and show you that you aren’t alone on this road– that makes all the difference in the world.
A little about Irene:
My journey began on February 17, 2013, when my only child, my beautiful 24-year-old daughter Carly Elizabeth Hughes lost her brief but heroic battle with esophageal-gastric cancer. I did not think I could survive without her but with the help of many, including finding the organization HPH, I now lead a joy-filled life helping others find their way from bereaved to Shining Light Parents. I am the vice president of HPH, chapter leader of the Bluffton/Hilton Head chapter of HPH, conference chair but most importantly mother to Carly Elizabeth Hughes. Our story is part of Suzanne Giesemann’s latest book titled Still Right Here.
A little about supporting grieving parents from Carol:
At A Healing Spirit, I work with grieving parents and I can say with certainty that some parents are simply not ready to let go of deep grief for a long time. Sometimes, that can be frustrating to their loved ones. What Irene said about “getting over it” is true: Do not expect grieving parents (or anyone who grieves) to “get over it” because we never really get over grief. We get through it and, as Irene says, we learn to live with it. For a parent, that hole the heart is never going to go away. And yes, in most cases grief will dull and transform over time. But in their own time, not ours. I love the way Irene suggests we support grieving parents–just be there and offer love. You can’t fix it, so don’t try to. This is the best advice anyone can give about providing support to those who grieve.
If you’d like to share your thoughts in the Comments section, we’d love to hear them.
This is another in our every-so-often 5 Questions series. I hope you’ll share this post so other parents may know about this group. Thank you.
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I can’t imagine losing any of our kids. A support group is definitely a necessary key to helping a parent heal.
I couldn’t imagine ever going through this. It’s great that there are resources out there for those that are affected with such a loss.
I think my family and my daughters could use these services. Both of my daughters lost a child lasts year.
Terri, I hope you will share this information with them. I am so so sorry for your loss. And theirs.
This is great information to know. I have a friend who is a grief counselor. Maybe she can also direct her clients to that site. Every little bit helps to ease the pain.
Wow! This sounds like an amazing group! It’s so hard to lose anyone, but I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child.
I loved this story about Irene, and am inspired by her courage. So many of us when we’ve been challenged by a significant loss or a serious healthcare problem windup reaching out to others who’re embarking on our same road. Giving back and helping others is the best way we can heal. Thanks for this story.
This group would be of great help with my Mom if only she is in the States. She told me that losing my brother is way harder for her than losing my Dad.
There is an online meeting that would be perfect for her–check it out on their website…
We have groups in the U.K., Australia and New Zealand…
Online meetings are available worldwide.
My brother passed when he was three. My mom is now 80 and I can tell you it is a feeling that never goes away. There is more acceptance, but the longing is forever there.
I am sending this link over to my friend. She lost her only child to Dengue Fever when she was only 5 years old. It has been 8 years since and she has not yet gotten over her loss.
Finding my Soul Sista Irene was thankfully part of my Soul Plan…and HPH has both given to me beyond measure and allowed me to give back to other parents. My Gratitude and Hope were both restored and with it my Faith that my Grace is Still Right Here guiding and supporting me on the rest of my Journey! Love you Irene!! Love my Soul Sistas! Love each and every one of you traveling this Path!! Remember…You Were Given This Life Because You Are Strong Enough To Live It!
What a horrible thing to go through. She sounds like an incredible person and love that she’s helping others.
I don’t know what I would do ! I do send many prayers and hugs to your friend Irene and I’m so happy to hear about the Helping Parents Heal group. I know so many people including myself having a difficult time dealing with the loss of a love one! It’s a pain that not even medicine can help, so I couldn’t imagine my child
I have had two dear friends lose their children. It has been heartbreaking to watch them both go through the grieving process. One child was 4 and the other child was in their 20’s. No matter the age it is never an easy trial. Prayers to all who have had to live through the loss of a child.
I don’t have children but I am a teacher and I value them very much. I cannot imagine that kind of loss and how it’s going to be when parents try to cope. I think support is really important. We should be there for parents who have lost their child.
This is such an inspirational post – I can even start to image what it must be like for a parent to loose a child.
This is really a difficult subject and I never really know what to do as I’ve never been there myself.
Thank you for this . I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost my child.
Grief is a tough subject, but it’s made so much easier when people talk about it. I’m sending healing and love to your friend and her daughter! I recently lost a loved one, so these resources will be helpful!
This is going to help a lot of parents. I can’t imagine losing a child. I also can’t imagine how lonely it must be to go through that loss when you feel like no one around you can relate to it.
I’m glad a group like this is out there for those who need it. I can’t imagine losing a child and I would want all the support I could find.
We ,chatted on messenger one day. As I told you the thought of reincarnation terrifies me because I just want to stay with my two children. I. Have a son and granddaughter I want to be here for but am thankful to be 79 too be closer to seeing my other son and daughter. I have read all of Suzanne Giesemann’s Books and am waiting for you to write one.. I’ll be embarrassed if you have already written one. Lol
Thank you for your kind words Sharon, I look forward to speaking with you again! Please give me a call so we can talk.
I hope to one day write a book but my HPH duties keep me busy and we are already busy planning the next conference.
Sending love always,
Irene
I have lost both a daughter at the age of 16 and a parent my mom and losing my daughter was 10 times harder than my mom. Also my dad buried a granddaughter and a wife and he says even though losing my mom was hard it wasn’t as hard as losing his 1st grandchild and ended up causing him to have a Stroke and to miss the funeral so if you experience this please get counseling its all that will help. Or you may sink into depression which I did.
Counseling is definitely beneficial in the grieving process especially when combined with trauma work. Most of us suffer from PTSD, I had a session with Rochelle Wright using her Repair and Reattaxhment therapy which combines EMDR
For trauma.
I hope you will consider joining HPH, I look forward to connecting with you.
Blessings,
Irene
I experienced my brother and his wife losing their first born baby. The loss was over whelming for me and I can’t tel you how bad it was for them. Good to see there is help out there.
Please tell them about HPH, no matter how many years “our” you are they can benefit from our group.
I find this very awe inspiring. I am not sure how I would go on if it happened to me. Great to know there is such wonderful support out there.
Irene is a dear friend and I know our daughters, now “Elsewhere” as my daughter would put it, are having a great time together. I could not have got through my child’s long illness and difficult death without Irene’s presence in my life, and she gives me constant hope and encouragement during these early years of adjusting to life on earth without Kiara’s physical presence. Irene is a gift and a joy and an inspiration. Thank you for this interview.
I love you Zoe and am so glad we found each other and that our Boston college girls are together cheering their mom on!