What is normal? If a loved one is battling cancer or any other big disease, you don’t want to miss this post, because the insights you’ll get are invaluable.
My friend, the poet Maureen Kwiat Meshenberg, was diagnosed with breast cancer a while back. And as she is one of my most beloved Facebook friends, I followed her journey the whole way. She’s honest about the experience and so I asked her to share what this journey has been like for her. As an amazing poet, she gives us the honest truth, the human truth, the beautiful truth.
Post-normal, What is normal anyway? I used to walk at a fast pace, feeling the movement of my body, exhilarating, elliptical, sensation of true exercise. My legs felt long and lean.
When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, at first I was numb, I didn’t know exactly how to feel. I became a mind and body tenacious warrior, ready to fight what was attacking my body. I aggressively prepared my body for what it was facing. I stopped eating all white sugar and processed foods. I charted, cataloged, got binders of information, preparing myself for surgery. My inner spirit went in with a fierceness yet becoming a compassionate being embracing myself with love. I had a circle of family and friends supporting me.
I knew exactly what I was wearing when I came home from the hospital after surgery. A pair of comfortable pajamas my best friend Denise bought for me, ready to relax and heal. I was sitting up eating crackers and drinking water when my family walk into my room after surgery. They couldn’t believe how well I looked.
Next was preparing for chemo and radiation. I had my fair share of hitting the wall, including being hospitalized for a low white blood cell count. Nothing really prepared me for post cancer. The scar tissue pain, lymphedema, and then came the joint pain, fatigue and yes, depression and PTSD.
Facebook is a funny thing, I always find the parallel side of me, the one that leans into grace and light and finds my joy in the small and precious moments. Thing is, people take that lovely smiling picture of me and come to a conclusion that I look so good and healthy. My heart rate races with catching for air when I walk fast. It’s a huge chore to clean my house I have to do it in spurts, or I become completely exhausted, but mainly I want to give up. Even taking a shower is a chore.
I am a woman with shortcomings, that I am often critical of, and wonder if others are critical of me. I remember me, and now I am ready to accept the new me. I want to soar with my passion, my writing, my light journey, but my physical being just has to do it at a new pace now. I have to accept me for me, holding myself in a sanctuary of gentleness and compassionate pause. Allow yourself to do the same.
by Maureen Kwiat Meshenberg ©
Image: Kristina Laurendi Havens
The Distance Reached
beauty of my body,
beauty of my soul-
human has its limits,
life spinning life out of control-
the distance reached,
journey spirals through me-
I now shift to stop suddenly upon my path,
out of my body I drift above me-
floating looking down,
I embrace my being-
truth of life spilling out of me,
what now becomes apart of me-
what houses itself inside of me,
brings me to the moment of my scream-
coming down from my cloud now,
I settle upon the tiny universe of me-
what now tries to ravage me,
will not take my soul-
the distance reached,
I now become my power-
folding into the deep of me,
the movement of love-
embraces the whole of me,
now treading the path-
of the many shes,
splitting me open wide-
I finding myself collide,
to what is being delivered to me-
but then I saw you there with me,
sweet kindred trembling she-
my pain is now yours, yours is now mine,
the tears that now spill on our tender embracing-
will bring us to the distance,
our howl, our ache, now our fight-
what now becomes our battle cry,
to remain resilient, vibrant, passionate for our lives.
Author Maureen Kwiat Meshenberg ©
Visit her website for more. Buy her beautiful poetry book. And here’s her Facebook page.
a lovely take on things! thank you for this!
This is a beautiful story. I’ve had family and friends who have suffered from breast cancer, but I can’t imagine how difficult it is to actually go through it yourself. Thanks for sharing.
that is so true! what is normal everyone has their own thoughts on what normal actually is.
What a beautiful writing , I loved reading this. Thanks for sharing!
Wow this is an emotional roller coaster for sure. Thanks for sharing such an incredible story
This is a post that comes very close to my heart. We had the experience with my aunt, who sadly past away a couple of years ago. And she was a warrior like Maureen! She never complained and looked happy all the time. I will never stop missing her. I hope Maureen she can find peace and accepts her new self. What a strong and inspiring woman!
Maureen is such a fighter! The emotional roller coaster of a cancer diagnosis is so overwhelming. You shared a beautiful story.
What a beautiful post! I love Maureen’s story. She is absolutely a winner in her fight with cancer. Thanks for sharing this post, it’s captivating my soul.
Such a great thought about the universe and how we put things into perspective. We keep going despite what comes against us. There is no normal. Not for us, not for anyone. Everyone has their own journey and should not allow themselves to be conquered.
Cancer is very close to me. I wish it would go away but it hasn’t. All I can do is be there for my friend and lift her up. I’m thankful that she still lifts me up too. She has showed me what strength is. She has her own motivator factors which is great. I know she continues to see the light and pushes through. This was a beautiful poem. So heartfelt.
What a beautiful story. I never had a major health issue and this really puts things into perspective. I will say a prayer for all those who have to endure this.
After having a mother and younger sister who both battled breast cancer I know that it is more than the person diagnosed that goes through the fight with cancer. The family, friends, and other supporters all carry some of the weight of it and play a role in the journey to recovery.
This is such a beautiful post. Cancer is always something that is so tough but you made it into something else entirely.
What a truly soulful beautiful poem she wrote. Fighting cancer is a challenging thing and it’s different each and every time. I send light and good thoughts to all who are dealing with this terrible disease.
It is strange how something so big and raw that we go through in our own life goes unseen by the world speeding along around us.
So nice and sweet. Give a hug to your friend. Not sure if I’m normal or anyone else!!! HUGS
This is such a hard thing to go through. I know so many friends dealing with breast cancer right now, its so sad and i know I just need to be there for them.
Anyone who goes through this and comes out stronger is a person worthy of admiration and respect. She’s gone through so much and I love that she’s sharing her journey so that others will be inspired and will learn from her as well. What a great read.
Going through the cancer battle and the time after, is definitely not fun. Hurrah though, for the chance to have the after.
Cancer. That horrible disease that took my dad, and two aunts. Now my mom is suspected to have it too. I am a mess right now, not knowing what to do, what to say. how to comfort. I hope my mom will be as comfortable as she can get as she goes through this disease. 🙁
Thanks for sharing this! It’s really hard seeing our loved ones suffer from cancer. She sounds like a really strong person. Such an inspiration.
Thank you for the insightful post. I’ve not battled cancer but I know so many who have, including close family members.
This was so nice to read. You always have such amazing things to tell us.
Thank you for sharing Maureen’s story. I think a lot of people can relate to trying to get back to “normal” after dealing with cancer or a chronic illness. It’s tough, but it seems like she’s forging ahead with her head held high.
I can’t imagine what life is like after cancer. You can’t help but be changed by traumatic experiences like that.
This is so beautiful. I am glad the author overcame and won her fight!
this is a perfect way to tell this story. thanks for sharing.
It sounds like you went through a life-changing moment in your life. Those never go away and normal isn’t really a real concept. 😉
Reading this came at such a good time for me. My dad recently went through surgery to remove melanoma from his neck and is going through radiation now and it’s so hard to see someone you love go through that. But it’s also good to remember that, even though someone looks ok, they aren’t always.
Reading this came at such a good time for me. My dad recently went through surgery to remove melanoma from his neck and is going through radiation now and it’s so hard to see someone you love go through that. But it’s also good to remember that, even though someone looks ok, they aren’t always.
This is such a beautiful post and what a fighter Maureen is. I just can’t imagine what it must be like for everyone out there fighting cancer.
A powerful read. I will share this with a friend that is now going through breast cancer.
Such a powerful poem! She’s tenacious and fierce! She has my respect, as do all warriors who battle any cancer. I was deeply moved by this, as I have a family member who has battled breast cancer as well.
We must have been on the same wave length – I just shared a friends breast cancer story today. It is such a brutal thing to have to go through but Maureen sounds like a strong beautiful woman who has fought like hell.
Maureen sounds like such a strong person. It’s great that she went into the fight against cancer with such a fierce attitude.
what a beautiful post. Thank you!
“…holding myself in a sanctuary of gentleness and compassionate pause…” Absolutely beautiful.
Everyone woman should read this post! Sharing…
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of yours. I have never had to go through anything so daunting before, but I have had to get back to normal after other bad things that have happened in my life. I would never compare those events to your struggle, but I do remember trying to feel normal again.
Ah, that is beautiful. I’m still not back to where I was before my cancer in 2015, and my recovery was fine. It’s hard finding a balance between not giving up on getting back up to a better speed and not kicking myself too hard for not managing to carve out the time I need to do that (I had planned to get in some regular after-work paddling over the summer and just didn’t make that happen).