Success is not the point

Success is not the point

successIf you’re in business, you’ve probably encountered legions of coaches all offering to help you succeed.

Or those who trigger our desire for fortune or for fame.

For some, success is a matter of paying the bills.

For others, it’s prestige, ego, fortune or fame.

Fortune and fame?  Something I know a bit about, since I have lived in Silicon Valley for decades.

So what about success?

A few years ago I heard spiritual teacher Suzanne Giesemann talk. She was channeling her spirit guides. This was all the more amazing because she had been a senior military officer and aide to the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Talk about two ends of a continuum.

Her guides said something that stuck with me and I’m going to leave it with you today:

“Most humans miss the point,” they said. “The point is not to succeed or fail.  The joy comes in be-ing and growing, and often growth results simply from trying….pass or fail.  Do you see?  Do you understand?  Are you up to the task?

“You are loved no matter what.  What a joyous discovery!”

Should you lead with your heart?

Should you lead with your heart?


Do you lead with your heart?

It’s means being vulnerable. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

It can be risky. But not all risk is to be avoided–sometimes, great fulfillment likes on the other side.

Leading with your heart can bring the highest of highs.And also the lowest of lows.

Sometimes, it may not be the best option.

Sometimes, it’s the only option.

I’ve done it, and it hasn’t worked out. I’ve not done it, and it hasn’t worked out.

I’ve done it and it’s worked out. I’ve not done it and it’s worked out.

Lead with your heart, don’t lead with your heart: maybe it doesn’t matter either way.

What do you say?

How to survive the loss of a love

How to survive the loss of a love

Here’s one thing we all have in common: lost love. Whether it’s a spouse, partner, family member, best friend–and whether we lose them through death or just lose their love–it’s all lost love.

Losing love–in any form–is one of the most painful experiences we go through in life.

As a younger woman going through the pain of lost love I thought it might be easier to have lost him through death than through divorce.  That’s because I still hadn’t lost anyone I loved to death. Once I had, my view of lost love changed.

But no matter how we lose a loved one, we’re going to need to heal. And like any grief, it takes as long as it takes.  But here are some tried and tested ways to cope:

Let yourself feel the pain.

Don’t numb it with substances, including food. Don’t try to avoid it. The only way to manage pain is to walk through it bravely.

Look toward the future

Oh, you won’t feel like it. It’s easy to get mired in the present pain of grief and feel as if your life is over. But it isn’t…the future is where your life is headed, and you can go there the easy way OR you can do it the hard way: by resisting. Oh, you might not feel like dating, if it’s a romantic love lost. Not right away. But if you enjoyed the pleasures of partnership,  down the road you might reconsider.

Be open

We often think we have our life planned out and when something changes that, it’s easy to shut down. But be open to the wondrous things that could happen.

Pay attention

You won’t see those wondrous things if you aren’t paying attention. Be attuned to your present and the magic that might pop up.


Loss almost always asks us to forgive someone. I won’t say more. I have had to forgive family, mates and friends, all. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever done for myself.

Don’t be afraid to give love again. And receive it.

It’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

This little volume helped me a lot decades ago and it still is chock-full of wisdom: How to Survive the Loss of a Love. See affiliate link below.

Survive Loss Love By Peter McWilliams

If you’ve got tips for surviving any kind of lost love, I’d like to hear them.


How does forgiveness pay off?

How does forgiveness pay off?

My social media feed is filled with intolerance. People who can’t forgive. People who speak the language of forgiveness and love and then, somehow, lose their way in its practice.

Hey, I get it. Forgiveness is HARD. When we think we’ve been done wrong our first response is to strike back.And if we’ve been done wrong many times we strike back even harder.

“It’s too late for forgiveness,” I read someone post recently.

Well, no.  It’s NEVER too late for forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else. We do it for OURSELVES.

Why would we drink the toxic brew of resentment and hatred, of revenge and striking back? Why would we let that sludge course through our vein?

Hey, look. I’ve had my own challenges with forgiveness. The churning upset. Feeling that I’d been done wrong.

Because I knew I didn’t want to hold on to grudges, I worked away at forgiveness for years. YEARS.

No joke. I wasn’t sure that I even understand what it meant to actually forgive.

And then one day, I got there. One day the grudge had no power over me. Those who hurt me lost their power to wound.

All I had left? Compassion and love.

Yes, I know: sometimes that isn’t as ego-satisfying as revenge. But it’s soul-satisfying. Have no doubt.

The soul benefit of being able to forgive was confirmed recently in a session with an excellent medium. During the session my mother on the other side brought up perhaps the thorniest issue in my life and then told me this:

“The personal work you have done on forgiveness is paying off, Carol. There is healing going on both here and on the earthly plane as a result of it. Just because you haven’t seen evidence of it yet, don’t think it isn’t happening and it’s a direct result of the work you are doing on yourself.”

I was stunned: the medium knew nothing of this situation so it had to be that my mother was watching and so were my other spirit guides. And while I didn’t need there to be change here for me to feel good about the work I’ve done on forgiveness, it felt great to know that positive effects were being seen here. Even if I can’t see them. Yet.

So when you feel the urge to strike back, it’s your ego speaking. Your soul wants you to take a bigger view. To forgive and send love to those who hurt you.

Because it’s clear to me now that forgiveness pays off. Even here.