View your life with kindsight. Instead of asking “What was I thinking?” pause and ask the kinder question: “What was I learning?” _Karen Salmansohn
I love this. Kindsight.
Maybe like me, you’ve had a bunch of occasions in life when you made decisions that perhaps didn’t turn out so well.
I’m lucky (ahem) enough to have had a few trusted friends who haven’t been afraid to ask “What were you thinking?” Ok maybe more like “WTF were you thinking?” And there’s a purpose to that. I want friends like that.
But it’s not useful to berate ourselves for actions of the past. Looking at our actions with love and asking the kinder question, “What was I learning?” is brilliant.
This works also for grief and illness.
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Most anxiety is a knee-jerk reaction to something we fear
and often fails to withstand any kind of critical analysis. I know this because I’ve just lived it.
Some random spotting caused me to see my GYN, who did an in-office ultrasound and, to my surprise, saw something “suspicious”. Until now, I’d felt safe, because there is almost no cancer in my family. But this made me quite anxious. After all, many of my friends have gone through cancer treatment or even died from it. White Coat Hypertension –or “high blood pressure at the doctor’s office” is the least of my anxiety problems when it comes to a cancer scare.
I approached the “official” ultrasound she ordered with ENORMOUS anxiety. Of course, I imagined the worst as I heard the tech clicking to take photographs of everything she saw. And the whole thing took forever.
Would they find the worst?
It showed an unusual thickening of the endometrium that could be “the bad thing” so my GYN wanted an in-office biopsy.
At that point you’d think my anxiety would be off the charts. Instead, it went completely away. Why was that?
When I meditated on my nervousness I realized that my anxiety would have no impact on the outcome. I either had cancer or I didn’t. Worrying wasn’t going to help or even change things.
Practicing what I preach
Before this, those had just been words. But now, in my meditation, I took them in. I wasn’t going to die tomorrow. And wouldn’t I be a complete hypocrite to fear death when I believe that we do not die, but simply transition to a different plane?
I know. Heavy thoughts. But they were super calming, simply because, with a little effort, I brought my thoughts in line with my beliefs.
I also enlisted the group of earthly angels I know—friends who sent out love and light, my two Reiki masters, my shaman friend and just about everyone in my luckily large spiritual support group. I felt completely loved and supported in moving forward.
Click photo to see my healing crystal candles.
Yes, the crystal thing
Selecting the best healing crystals from my collection, I carried them with me to all appointments. I had been doing healing meditations for days. I used my healing affirmations. I wore all my healing jewelry. I BELIEVE all this stuff helps and so, of course, it did.
Plus I thought about the many people I know who are living with cancer that is being controlled by treatment.
Here’s the best part: my blood pressure, normally sky-high in situations like this, was normal. NORMAL. So if that’s all this stuff did for me? It’s a big thing!
As it turned out, my GYN couldn’t complete the in-house biopsy.
How I managed pain
Her attempts were not pain-free. Any woman who has had a uterine biopsy knows what I mean.
But just that morning a good friend had revealed that in the numerous serious pain situations she’d experienced recently, she’d consistently used my pain relief recording. Like my husband related in HIS story, she was offered pain meds like crazy but she kept responding “I have no pain!” Because she was using the audio and used her mind to let the pain go. “It works!” she told me. “It really works.”
So I did that, too. After all, why wouldn’t I practice what I preach? I put in my earbuds and let my GYN do her thing—it worked: my pain was minimal. Here’swhere to find the audio and more info.
Still, she couldn’t complete the biopsy.
“I suspect it’s a benign polyp,” she said, “but we need to do an in-hospital biopsy it to be sure.”
Don’t you love it when they give you “your options?”
Blood pressure still normal, I listened to my options. There were two: I could be admitted to the hospital for a D&C and biopsy under anesthesia, a same-day-home procedure. Then I would probably have a hysterectomy at a later date: my choice. I want everything that could be a future problem GONE.
OR we could move right to a hysterectomy with a GYN-oncology surgeon assisting my doc. They’d take it out, do a frozen section and if it was benign they’d proceed one way and if it wasn’t, another way. With the surgical oncologist right there.
I didn’t see any reason to go under twice. I’d already mentioned I wanted a complete hysterectomy, simply because too many of my friends have had a GYN cancer. I wanted it all gone. One less worry.
Surgery in my future
So when I return from my trip to Egypt in early April I’ll have a hysterectomy. I expect to be pain-free and anxiety-free. And here’s how I’ll make sure of it:
Childhood trauma imprints. Those imprints affect child development in a big way and all of that shows up bigtime in our adulthood.
That was the discussion I had over a cup of coffee one recent morning with someone who works in trauma.
We’d been talking about intuition and that bad vibe I get about some people I run across in the metaphysical world. That led to how childhood pain and trauma impact bad behavior as an adult.
I can see this clearly in my own family of origin but for some reason have never applied the lens of trauma more broadly.
Fred Trump by all accounts was a horrible father and there’s no doubt that Donald experienced some trauma growing up. His behavior is likely at least partly the result of that childhood trauma. Looking at him through that filter gives me more compassion. I don’t like his behavior any better, but it gives me a different view.
We have no insight into the growing up years of most people we run across as adults. Maybe, like me, you’ve met people that seem negative or not very nice.
Most people aren’t inherently not nice--there’s a reason. Maybe it’s armor to protect them. Maybe it’s what they saw growing up.
I might have known this intellectually but I haven’t applied it when it might have helped me deal with bad behavior. Or at least view it with more compassion.
It’s going to take effort on my part to remember the possible roots of bad behavior, at least at first. But I’ll spend less time just thinking “not a very nice person” and more time thinking “I am sorry for whatever childhood trauma might have made them that way.”
As a hypnotherapist, I work with clients who have a variety of issues. But nothing touches me more deeply than the pain management work I do with those who suffer chronic pain.
It’s constant. It’s debilitating. It wears on the soul.
I’ve done a lot of reading about how to use the mind to control pain. I’ve learned just how possible it is. Yes, it takes some work. But I know that it’s possible from the work of pain doctors I’ve read and also from the experience of my own hypnotherapy clients.
Now look. It’s not magic.
You can’t have one session and magically eradicate pain. But with time and repetition, those who suffer from chronic pain can often reduce its severity or even make it go away. And they do that with their powerful minds.
Let me explain one other thing: hypnotherapy is about following the hypnotherapist’s voice. That simple. Nothing happens in person that can’t happen via Skype, Zoom or Facetime. And that is a fact.
It’s also true that online sessions are often even MORE effective, because the client wears earbuds and my voice goes directly inot the ear, no distractions. And the technology is ridiculously easy.
If you’re curious about my hypnotherapy sessions, why not book a 15-minute phone call to find out about it. No charge. Just talk. See the link to scheduling right here.
I’d love to help you because I love making that kind of difference for my clients.
Here’s one thing we all have in common: lost love. Whether it’s a spouse, partner, family member, best friend–and whether we lose them through death or just lose their love–it’s all lost love.
Losing love–in any form–is one of the most painful experiences we go through in life.
As a younger woman going through the pain of lost love I thought it might be easier to have lost him through death than through divorce. That’s because I still hadn’t lost anyone I loved to death. Once I had, my view of lost love changed.
But no matter how we lose a loved one, we’re going to need to heal. And like any grief, it takes as long as it takes. But here are some tried and tested ways to cope:
Let yourself feel the pain.
Don’t numb it with substances, including food. Don’t try to avoid it. The only way to manage pain is to walk through it bravely.
Look toward the future
Oh, you won’t feel like it. It’s easy to get mired in the present pain of grief and feel as if your life is over. But it isn’t…the future is where your life is headed, and you can go there the easy way OR you can do it the hard way: by resisting. Oh, you might not feel like dating, if it’s a romantic love lost. Not right away. But if you enjoyed the pleasures of partnership, down the road you might reconsider.
We often think we have our life planned out and when something changes that, it’s easy to shut down. But be open to the wondrous things that could happen.
You won’t see those wondrous things if you aren’t paying attention. Be attuned to your present and the magic that might pop up.
Loss almost always asks us to forgive someone. I won’t say more. I have had to forgive family, mates and friends, all. It’s the most important thing I’ve ever done for myself.
Don’t be afraid to give love again. And receive it.
It’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
This little volume helped me a lot decades ago and it still is chock-full of wisdom: How to Survive the Loss of a Love. See affiliate link below.
There’s so much chronic pain in our world that someone can help people release pain could make a fortune. You’d think that, right? Yeah and Big Pharma operates off that thought. But most of us would rather avoid yet another pill or worse, an opiate addiction. Although it’s true that most people want the seemingly easy path of meds: take a pill and it all goes away.
No one really likes Big Pharma
Maybe it does go away. But what replaces it? If you’ve ever listened to the list of potential side effects in any drug ad on TV you have to wonder why anyone takes prescription drugs. When death is a side effect, you can count me out. Same with so many other unintended consequences of taking a pill.
I’m not a big fan of taking a zillion supplements, either. For one, they’re not regulated in any way. There’s no way to know what the heck they’re doing to us or even the right dosage. And being a “natural substance” is no guarantee of anything.
I do think there’s a time and place for pain meds and even for supplements. But not as many times or places as they’re being used.
There ARE other options for pain relief.
More natural ones.
A big one is hypnotherapy. Now, I’m a hypnotherapist and have worked with people who have had amazing results. I know it works. It’s not strange, occult or even magical. It simply harnesses the power of the brain to reduce or eliminate pain. And I love that it works.
Affirmations can also work and an example from my beautiful healing affirmation deck is in the top image. Actually that affirmation combines another thing that works–breathing into pain. That technique has helped many, many laboring mothers over the years. And the affirmation refers to another technique we use in hypnotherapy, and that is visualizing pain being released out into the air when you exhale.
Don’t discount breath work to release pain
In fact, a number of physicians will tell you that breath work is a potent tool for pain relief. And others, including a major pain doctor, will tell you that you absolutely can reprogram your brain to manage pain. We do both in hypnotherapy.
So here’s the thing. There IS no easy way to release pain. Although people who don’t know much about hypnotherapy might think they can sit down for a session and be done with it. Doesn’t work that way. For most people, it takes working with the technique over time–repetition–to get the effect. It takes time and effort. Because you are, in fact, reprogramming your brain. But science has shown that if you can do that, you can also manage pain. It can work. That much we DO know.
If you’ve got chronic pain, consider hypnotherapy. I offer hypnosis services via Skype and it’s effective. There’s no magic to being in the room. The magic is in the voice and following the voice–which is so much easier with earbuds on Skype than in person! And take a look at my beautiful deck of healing affirmations, that can also support pain management and make a lovely gift alone or as part of our gift package. Yes, live links.
I’d love you to come away from this post knowing that there are ways to manage pain without drugs and willing to explore them if the need arises.