Setting limits, defining boundaries, doing what’s best for us –these are all part of a healthy life.
And yet, it’s something many women have problems doing. Yes, women. Mostly. So today I am talking to women.
Part of it might be because as moms, there are many years when the family must come first. Certainly, while kids are young, it’s imperative to put their needs first. To focus on nurturing.
The stereotypical “interfering mom”
But as children grow up and out of the house, many women get out of the habit of nurturing themselves. They interfere. Sometimes, they even end up in dysfunctional relationships living “for” instead of “with” children who are trying to be independent.
Whatever the reason, we all need to remember that setting limits is part of self-care. Establishing our own boundaries is healthy. It’s one of the most important things we can do to nurture ourselves.
Here’s today’s message: It’s not my job to fix others.
When we see someone in trouble we want to make right, don’t we? I know I do. BUT: Very few people have a superpower that allows them to fix others. To make their flaws disappear.
In fact, the only person we can actually fix is ourselves. And sometimes, even that is a challenge. So, why we think we can fix others is beyond me.
Here’s what that does: It sets up a dynamic where one person thinks they are more powerful than the other.
Me, too. (Not Me Too)
Oh, I’ve been guilty of this. Of seeing the “potential” and wanting someone to reach it.
But it’s not my responsibility to do that. My responsibility is to fix my own stuff, to tend to my own business.To let them be themselves.
“You be you and I’ll be me” comes to mind.
Oh, I know it’s hard. Especially when a loved one being themselves is painful to watch. But we can not interfere. Lessons are only learned if we are allowed to make mistakes, even terrible ones.
It’s hard, sometimes, to figure out when it’s ok to intervene and when it’s not. But overall, I’m reminded of something said by Pema Chodron:“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.”